In this tiny corner labeled #15, I make my final post for the year. I have about fifteen minutes before I log off. The coins in my pocket can only afford one hour's worth of internet use. Oh well...Here goes.
What a year this has been. Quite a year. Sad times, happy times. Moments of laughter, moments of sorrow. Special memories and forgettable ones. Wise moves, miscalculated ones. Moments of endless chatter and those of prolonged silence.
Half an hour ago, I check my email just to have a heads up on what week one of January 2006 will be like at work.
It is quite obvious but let me just say, in life, rarely do we get a 'heads up', if at all. But here I am ready to face the new year.
Comforted in the goodness and grace of God, I say.....Bring it on!
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Some Changes
We are moving to the 19th floor.
I don’t think I have mentioned that my employer recently (and finally!) closed the deal with the property management of the building that we are leasing. We currently lease three floors of the building and in January 2006, we will occupy half of the 19th floor.
Talks have been ongoing as to which of the teams will be moving. Chris informed me moments ago of the final arrangements.
“Jovy hasn’t mentioned anything to you?” he asks.
“No. It may have slipped her mind.” I reply.
Moving to another place, be it to the next room, next door or the next street can be stressful. My mind is a bit frazzled already so the news did not sit too well with me. And oh, have I mentioned that I am moving to another apartment next month as well?
I wanted to ask Chris something else but I decided not to.
The question? ….
Where, in this new arrangement, will I be located?
It honestly didn’t matter whether I still get a room or not. Had it not been for Chris, I would have felt so alone in this lonely corner. A room isolates, I realize. It has been a huge adjustment from the open space I have when I was with finance. I opted not to blog those sad times when I wish can only turn my chair and I have someone to talk to or simply stand up so I can bother the person on the other side of the cubicle. (Chris is not always around) I thought it too juvenile for a blog entry.
I realize at the time that I am more of a people person than I care to admit. I love interacting with people. I honestly do not know how long I can sustain being some kind of a recluse by the sheer nature of my job.
I am rattling but my real question behind THAT question?
Will I share a room with Mia? Or will my cubicle be next to hers?
I have spoken to Mia maybe just three times. Let me share with you the most recent encounter.
She came up to me and asked for some updates on a project that was taken from her. (she took a two-month leave). I informed her of the two managers who currently handle the projects.
Mia exudes a confident air and owns an unusually loud voice…. for a female. She also has that habit of not letting you finish your sentence. A combination of traits that I don’t particularly like.
One of my friends in the finance department was right, she very rarely smiles. (as you may have guessed, she is a ‘popular’ figure in the office)
“From how I understand, William used to do it this way and that way…. I wonder how it is being done now?” Mia asks me. William is the guy I replaced. I thought to myself, my side of the universe deals with data content, her team takes care of process.
I remember another warning from a colleague. “She tends to meddle in the business of others and criticize you behind your back.”
Hmmm. But, I asked myself, what harm can she do to me? So, I decided to humor her and gave her a general idea of how my boss wants to approach projects going forward.
I sense an eagerness in her to share what she knows so I let her have the chance. She took a board marker and started writing on the huge white board. For 15 minutes, I let her speak.
I must admit, she gave me very useful information. So, I listen and ask questions. She voiced her concerns that the people handling the project may not have a full grasp of the issues confronting Asia and Japan. The two project managers (her team mates) are based in the UK and the US. The girl has a point.
How did our talk end? Quite well, I must say. I encouraged her to speak with their boss because I have no hand in how projects are assigned. She agreed and said she is eager to go back into the thick of things. I in turn, agreed that we needed someone in Asia to represent such projects.
She smiles at me.
Whoa! Progress! In half an hour. I give myself an imaginary pat on the back.
“Patayin mo sa bait (disarm her with kindness)” I remember one of my friends’ advice regarding her. Will do my best.
So, do I still want to share a room with Mia? Do I want my cubicle next to hers? With that voice?
Not really. She is okay. But maybe in small doses. if it's a cubicle, chances are, mine will be right next to hers. I suppose I should be ready for anything.
Be ready for anything. The song of my life. I let out a sigh. This change is nothing compared to the other things in my life right now.
One of the things that I learned in 2005 is not to sweat the small stuff.
I look out the window and grimace at the huge unsightly structure that I call my view.
I can’t help but smile. Hmmm. Wait a sec. I wonder, which half of the building are we occupying?
I don’t think I have mentioned that my employer recently (and finally!) closed the deal with the property management of the building that we are leasing. We currently lease three floors of the building and in January 2006, we will occupy half of the 19th floor.
Talks have been ongoing as to which of the teams will be moving. Chris informed me moments ago of the final arrangements.
“Jovy hasn’t mentioned anything to you?” he asks.
“No. It may have slipped her mind.” I reply.
Moving to another place, be it to the next room, next door or the next street can be stressful. My mind is a bit frazzled already so the news did not sit too well with me. And oh, have I mentioned that I am moving to another apartment next month as well?
I wanted to ask Chris something else but I decided not to.
The question? ….
Where, in this new arrangement, will I be located?
It honestly didn’t matter whether I still get a room or not. Had it not been for Chris, I would have felt so alone in this lonely corner. A room isolates, I realize. It has been a huge adjustment from the open space I have when I was with finance. I opted not to blog those sad times when I wish can only turn my chair and I have someone to talk to or simply stand up so I can bother the person on the other side of the cubicle. (Chris is not always around) I thought it too juvenile for a blog entry.
I realize at the time that I am more of a people person than I care to admit. I love interacting with people. I honestly do not know how long I can sustain being some kind of a recluse by the sheer nature of my job.
I am rattling but my real question behind THAT question?
Will I share a room with Mia? Or will my cubicle be next to hers?
I have spoken to Mia maybe just three times. Let me share with you the most recent encounter.
She came up to me and asked for some updates on a project that was taken from her. (she took a two-month leave). I informed her of the two managers who currently handle the projects.
Mia exudes a confident air and owns an unusually loud voice…. for a female. She also has that habit of not letting you finish your sentence. A combination of traits that I don’t particularly like.
One of my friends in the finance department was right, she very rarely smiles. (as you may have guessed, she is a ‘popular’ figure in the office)
“From how I understand, William used to do it this way and that way…. I wonder how it is being done now?” Mia asks me. William is the guy I replaced. I thought to myself, my side of the universe deals with data content, her team takes care of process.
I remember another warning from a colleague. “She tends to meddle in the business of others and criticize you behind your back.”
Hmmm. But, I asked myself, what harm can she do to me? So, I decided to humor her and gave her a general idea of how my boss wants to approach projects going forward.
“But everything is still in the drawing board,” I end my spiel.
I sense an eagerness in her to share what she knows so I let her have the chance. She took a board marker and started writing on the huge white board. For 15 minutes, I let her speak.
I must admit, she gave me very useful information. So, I listen and ask questions. She voiced her concerns that the people handling the project may not have a full grasp of the issues confronting Asia and Japan. The two project managers (her team mates) are based in the UK and the US. The girl has a point.
How did our talk end? Quite well, I must say. I encouraged her to speak with their boss because I have no hand in how projects are assigned. She agreed and said she is eager to go back into the thick of things. I in turn, agreed that we needed someone in Asia to represent such projects.
She smiles at me.
Whoa! Progress! In half an hour. I give myself an imaginary pat on the back.
“Patayin mo sa bait (disarm her with kindness)” I remember one of my friends’ advice regarding her. Will do my best.
So, do I still want to share a room with Mia? Do I want my cubicle next to hers? With that voice?
Not really. She is okay. But maybe in small doses. if it's a cubicle, chances are, mine will be right next to hers. I suppose I should be ready for anything.
Be ready for anything. The song of my life. I let out a sigh. This change is nothing compared to the other things in my life right now.
One of the things that I learned in 2005 is not to sweat the small stuff.
I look out the window and grimace at the huge unsightly structure that I call my view.
I can’t help but smile. Hmmm. Wait a sec. I wonder, which half of the building are we occupying?
Monday, December 12, 2005
Decidedly Feminine
It is an orange pointy slip-on shoes encrusted with tiny sequins.
It caught my eye, despite the assortment of shoes displayed all over this small shoe store in Glorietta (one of the big malls in the business district). The sequins give it a sparkle, yes, but it is its certain shade of orange that fascinated me.
I grab my friend EVA, she looks at the price tag and checks how the shoes look on my feet from the full length mirror in front of us. She nods in agreement, “It is great! Go buy!” (Thank God for girl friends! Especially when they support a purchase decision. Ha ha ha )
Yep, I bought it. On sale. At 50% off.
After asking the saleslady on how to clean and maintain this recent purchase, (cleaning it will be tricky), we leave the store.
Next, we go from store to store looking for a pair of white pants.
It can be quite frustrating looking for the right pair of pants. It got to a point where I seriously thought of buying white skirt instead. (It is more difficult to buy pants than skirts).
“It has been awhile since I wore a skirt,” I tell EVA. “Maybe it is time I go back to wearing them again.”
I had no particular reason why I decided to stop wearing skirts. It just became convenient to just slip on to a pair of jeans or slacks when going to the office (or anywhere else for that matter).
Then, a good friend, Beng forwarded me this article In Defense of my Pink Slingbacks.
“I remembered your floral shoes”, she tells me.
I realize then that, my flair for girlie shoes and accessories could well be my attempt to avoid falling into the gender-neutral zone.
I am sure all women will agree that the right pair of shoes does something to a woman’s stride. I think the right kind of skirt creates the same effect.
Going back to our malling, I found a nice pair of white pants from one of my favorite stores, its price hugely discounted as well.
As we find our way towards the counter, EVA says, “Yeah, I think it is time you start wearing skirts again.”
I give her a meaningful smile.
It caught my eye, despite the assortment of shoes displayed all over this small shoe store in Glorietta (one of the big malls in the business district). The sequins give it a sparkle, yes, but it is its certain shade of orange that fascinated me.
I grab my friend EVA, she looks at the price tag and checks how the shoes look on my feet from the full length mirror in front of us. She nods in agreement, “It is great! Go buy!” (Thank God for girl friends! Especially when they support a purchase decision. Ha ha ha )
Yep, I bought it. On sale. At 50% off.
After asking the saleslady on how to clean and maintain this recent purchase, (cleaning it will be tricky), we leave the store.
Next, we go from store to store looking for a pair of white pants.
It can be quite frustrating looking for the right pair of pants. It got to a point where I seriously thought of buying white skirt instead. (It is more difficult to buy pants than skirts).
“It has been awhile since I wore a skirt,” I tell EVA. “Maybe it is time I go back to wearing them again.”
I had no particular reason why I decided to stop wearing skirts. It just became convenient to just slip on to a pair of jeans or slacks when going to the office (or anywhere else for that matter).
Then, a good friend, Beng forwarded me this article In Defense of my Pink Slingbacks.
“I remembered your floral shoes”, she tells me.
I realize then that, my flair for girlie shoes and accessories could well be my attempt to avoid falling into the gender-neutral zone.
I am sure all women will agree that the right pair of shoes does something to a woman’s stride. I think the right kind of skirt creates the same effect.
Going back to our malling, I found a nice pair of white pants from one of my favorite stores, its price hugely discounted as well.
As we find our way towards the counter, EVA says, “Yeah, I think it is time you start wearing skirts again.”
I give her a meaningful smile.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Mud pies and holiday
"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are halfhearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
I have read this quote before. I even think I have posted this in my blog (have I?). While I skim over an interesting site, I saw this passage by C.S. Lewis again.
I wonder if the hopes and desires I have at the moment are mere mud pies. The dictates of a rather harsh global culture and the lure of materiality that we come face to face every single day can unwittingly get under our skin. Without reminders from the Word of God, wisdom from well-grounded friends and tough love from family, it is so easy to get shortsighted. Even easier to have our priorities muddled.
So muddled that yes, we might even fail to see the holiday at sea that God is willing to give to us. If only to Him we’d say --
“Okay then, have it Your way."
I have read this quote before. I even think I have posted this in my blog (have I?). While I skim over an interesting site, I saw this passage by C.S. Lewis again.
I wonder if the hopes and desires I have at the moment are mere mud pies. The dictates of a rather harsh global culture and the lure of materiality that we come face to face every single day can unwittingly get under our skin. Without reminders from the Word of God, wisdom from well-grounded friends and tough love from family, it is so easy to get shortsighted. Even easier to have our priorities muddled.
So muddled that yes, we might even fail to see the holiday at sea that God is willing to give to us. If only to Him we’d say --
“Okay then, have it Your way."
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
With bated breath
624 U/ml.
My heart sank as I stared at my mother’s latest CA125 lab result. Three months back (after her sixth chemo), we had an encouraging 45 U/ml from a pre-chemo count of 4000 U/ml.
The cancer cells do not waste time, I thought. A few days ago, my sister sent me a message. “She has to undergo chemotherapy again.”
The cancer cells are active, says the doctor. In my heart, I wished he said, “cancer is in remission” instead.
Three months. She only had three months of reprieve from the effects of the potent medicines. Now, she goes back to the hospital and takes in doses of chemo again. Will her body respond as positively as the last cycle? Can her body sustain another round of strong medications?
I think my mind went blank when I got the confirmation of my mother’s next cycle of chemotherapy. The same blank feeling I got each time I hear updates of my father’s condition during the two days that he was in ICU. (that was just a few months back!)
But in the privacy of my room, I give myself a chance to feel, to cry. To release the heaviness and take in fresh doses of strength. The next few months will be times of … what..? I really don’t know. Day by day. Morning by morning, I just need to take things one at a time. Each day, we are given grace that is sufficient for today . Admittedly, there are certain moments that I lose composure and go through moments of doubting. But I remember a verse from the Bible: “who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?”. No one really. Tomorrow is another day. I cling tightly to God’s comforting arms. I brace myself.
Postscript: We actually got news of my mother’s latest tumor marker test (CA 125) a few weeks back. I guess, I try hard to make myself feel that things are simply routine. Many times I wish that my days will just take usual ho-hum route. My form of denial. But no, life is far from routine.
My heart sank as I stared at my mother’s latest CA125 lab result. Three months back (after her sixth chemo), we had an encouraging 45 U/ml from a pre-chemo count of 4000 U/ml.
The cancer cells do not waste time, I thought. A few days ago, my sister sent me a message. “She has to undergo chemotherapy again.”
The cancer cells are active, says the doctor. In my heart, I wished he said, “cancer is in remission” instead.
Three months. She only had three months of reprieve from the effects of the potent medicines. Now, she goes back to the hospital and takes in doses of chemo again. Will her body respond as positively as the last cycle? Can her body sustain another round of strong medications?
I think my mind went blank when I got the confirmation of my mother’s next cycle of chemotherapy. The same blank feeling I got each time I hear updates of my father’s condition during the two days that he was in ICU. (that was just a few months back!)
But in the privacy of my room, I give myself a chance to feel, to cry. To release the heaviness and take in fresh doses of strength. The next few months will be times of … what..? I really don’t know. Day by day. Morning by morning, I just need to take things one at a time. Each day, we are given grace that is sufficient for today . Admittedly, there are certain moments that I lose composure and go through moments of doubting. But I remember a verse from the Bible: “who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?”. No one really. Tomorrow is another day. I cling tightly to God’s comforting arms. I brace myself.
Postscript: We actually got news of my mother’s latest tumor marker test (CA 125) a few weeks back. I guess, I try hard to make myself feel that things are simply routine. Many times I wish that my days will just take usual ho-hum route. My form of denial. But no, life is far from routine.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Huh?!
Check out an email message from my boss addressed to her entire team:
Guys,
I just wanted to recognize JC and RB for being awarded the XXX Company Bottoms award.
This award is given to the XXX employees who under-perform on an annual basis. Their underwhelming performance did not go un-noticed.
Let’s applaud JC and RB for their accomplishments.
Congratulations and keep up the poor work!
To which one of the team members replies: "Let my people GOOOO!"
I am not really sure what is going on. Some joke I am not privy to. I get the feeling that I am the only one in the dark over this. Maybe, I will ask Maria. This is the thing with globalization. You call 'team mates' people who are half a world away with Microsoft Outlook as your only link. Maria's anecdotes about the team in the US gave me a picture of a pretty tight and happy team. They are very generous with their praises, Maria especially (maybe because she is of Latin descent). I would love to know the story behind this email. (sigh ..sigh..)
Maria expressed her desire and intention to make me feel that I am part her team, never mind the distance that separates me from all of them.
"Just drop me or anyone of us an email anytime." was her last instruction before we ended the call.
"You know, Maria. You really should bring me to New York. Wouldn't a team building activity bring us all together? What do you think? ", I said to her.
-------
No, I didn't. HA! But what a thought, huh?
Guys,
I just wanted to recognize JC and RB for being awarded the XXX Company Bottoms award.
This award is given to the XXX employees who under-perform on an annual basis. Their underwhelming performance did not go un-noticed.
Let’s applaud JC and RB for their accomplishments.
Congratulations and keep up the poor work!
To which one of the team members replies: "Let my people GOOOO!"
I am not really sure what is going on. Some joke I am not privy to. I get the feeling that I am the only one in the dark over this. Maybe, I will ask Maria. This is the thing with globalization. You call 'team mates' people who are half a world away with Microsoft Outlook as your only link. Maria's anecdotes about the team in the US gave me a picture of a pretty tight and happy team. They are very generous with their praises, Maria especially (maybe because she is of Latin descent). I would love to know the story behind this email. (sigh ..sigh..)
Maria expressed her desire and intention to make me feel that I am part her team, never mind the distance that separates me from all of them.
"Just drop me or anyone of us an email anytime." was her last instruction before we ended the call.
"You know, Maria. You really should bring me to New York. Wouldn't a team building activity bring us all together? What do you think? ", I said to her.
-------
No, I didn't. HA! But what a thought, huh?
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Disoriented
Monday at half past seven in the evening. I wear a satisfied smile on my face while I attach the excel file and type in a summary of the report. I felt pretty good about the report I have put together for my boss. As I click the ‘send’ button, a surge of eagerness washed over me. I can't wait to discuss this one with her tomorrow, I thought.
During my initial meeting with Maria (my boss), we agreed to have biweekly phone calls, with or without any deliverables. Being managed by a superior located halfway across the globe is quite difficult without the regular updates and yes, some small talk.
Tomorrow, is our next scheduled call.
Anyways, the next day, 9am. I dial her number and I hear her machine. I leave a quick message to tell her I will call in ten minutes. Maybe she is having dinner with her husband, I thought. Ten minutes later, I call again. Still, the machine picked up my call. I leave a second message. Hmmm. This is unusual. Absentmindedly, I check my calendar and - Oh no!! I thought in dismay. Then ended up laughing aloud. By myself. Imagine how that looked.
……..….
Oh yes, I called a day earlier! I should call her Wednesday, 9am. (Tuesday 8pm EST). Arrgh! I scolded myself, “you have been calling her Wednesday mornings for the past three months, why get confused after all this time?” My answer, “ I don’t know. Tao lang. ( I am only human).”
I drop Maria an email, apologized for the confusion and promised to call tomorrow.
I am just relieved she didn’t pick up the call herself! Not that she will get angry or anything. She’ll probably laugh but … I cringe at the thought.
The rest of my Tuesday was uneventful after that. In this case, I’d take uneventful anytime!!
During my initial meeting with Maria (my boss), we agreed to have biweekly phone calls, with or without any deliverables. Being managed by a superior located halfway across the globe is quite difficult without the regular updates and yes, some small talk.
Tomorrow, is our next scheduled call.
Anyways, the next day, 9am. I dial her number and I hear her machine. I leave a quick message to tell her I will call in ten minutes. Maybe she is having dinner with her husband, I thought. Ten minutes later, I call again. Still, the machine picked up my call. I leave a second message. Hmmm. This is unusual. Absentmindedly, I check my calendar and - Oh no!! I thought in dismay. Then ended up laughing aloud. By myself. Imagine how that looked.
……..….
Oh yes, I called a day earlier! I should call her Wednesday, 9am. (Tuesday 8pm EST). Arrgh! I scolded myself, “you have been calling her Wednesday mornings for the past three months, why get confused after all this time?” My answer, “ I don’t know. Tao lang. ( I am only human).”
I drop Maria an email, apologized for the confusion and promised to call tomorrow.
I am just relieved she didn’t pick up the call herself! Not that she will get angry or anything. She’ll probably laugh but … I cringe at the thought.
The rest of my Tuesday was uneventful after that. In this case, I’d take uneventful anytime!!
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
New Snow
Look, look out on the trees
Well, from here it looks like crystal
Shining in the breeze
Look, look out on the land
Well it finally looks like winter
So just reach out your hand and --
Feel the new snow falling softly 'round me
a second chance to make things alright
Like a new love calling
New snow is falling
Just outside my window tonight
It is an excerpt from the song New Snow by Flim and the BBs**.
It is a ballad that talks not just about saying goodbye but also of hope and new beginnings.
Let us just say that this old song came to mind (and became my anthem) with Colin, one my friends and constant companions at the office, deciding to move on to another company. Yes, another fixture in my work life off the shelf!
The song speaks of footprints disappearing into the new snow. I think of the footprints of people who have walked my way and have moved on to different paths. I think of the footprints of those that continue to walk my way.
I also see some footprints going a certain way…I look down, pause, turn and deliberately take a different direction. Yes, sometimes, we do need to take stock of things and choose which footprints we want to see right beside our own.
I think of the path ahead of me. And though I haven't seen snow, I think of the song, beautifully accompanied by piano and saxophone. Then, I imagine looking out the window, reaching out my hand and feeling a certain new breeze embrace me.
**The more popular and commercial version is from Michael Ruff, i think.
Well, from here it looks like crystal
Shining in the breeze
Look, look out on the land
Well it finally looks like winter
So just reach out your hand and --
Feel the new snow falling softly 'round me
a second chance to make things alright
Like a new love calling
New snow is falling
Just outside my window tonight
It is an excerpt from the song New Snow by Flim and the BBs**.
It is a ballad that talks not just about saying goodbye but also of hope and new beginnings.
Let us just say that this old song came to mind (and became my anthem) with Colin, one my friends and constant companions at the office, deciding to move on to another company. Yes, another fixture in my work life off the shelf!
The song speaks of footprints disappearing into the new snow. I think of the footprints of people who have walked my way and have moved on to different paths. I think of the footprints of those that continue to walk my way.
I also see some footprints going a certain way…I look down, pause, turn and deliberately take a different direction. Yes, sometimes, we do need to take stock of things and choose which footprints we want to see right beside our own.
I think of the path ahead of me. And though I haven't seen snow, I think of the song, beautifully accompanied by piano and saxophone. Then, I imagine looking out the window, reaching out my hand and feeling a certain new breeze embrace me.
**The more popular and commercial version is from Michael Ruff, i think.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Somebody's gotta do it
“Hello.” came the curt greeting from the other line.
“Hello, Lito. Are you ready for lunch?” I said cheerfully.
Before he could reply, “Wait a second. Are you going to be bad company today? You sound sad again. Please, can we talk about happier things? Please..?” He has been grouchy since beginning of the week and I can’t stand another day being at the receiving end of this whining. Again.
“I can’t help it. There is just something that Anne (Anne is one of his team members) said … "
“You know, I think I’ll have indigestion if we spend an hour of negativity,” I said sweetly. “Oh please can we talk about other things over lunch, please? I won’t like you as my lunchmate if you give me another round of those complaints. Only happy thoughts. This one time?” The sugary tone didn’t escape him.
“Okay,” he says with a sigh.
I relented. “Okay, I give you 15 minutes tops to let it out and that is it.”
“No. I promise. No complaining this time.” Happily, i put down the phone proceeded to the 8th floor cafeteria.
When I met him at 8th floor, I saw Anne with him and we spend an hour free of office issues that usually dampen their moods. But our new topic leaves a lot to be desired as well. (sigh) I prefer to keep it at that.
Four hours later, Lito calls me up for snacks. This time, with Colin. Still no complaints (yess..) but his face was morose and at one point, he bowed his head and rested his cheek on the table. Colin and I looked at each other, with questions in our eyes.
There are a lot of times when I do prefer not to have Lito join us for meals. He tests my patience. Whining has become his bad habit.
But I felt a wave of compassion for the guy.
“Cheer up. Lito.” With a defeated sigh, I said, “ Okay, let’s hear them.”
Without hesitation, he begins a litany of his office angst. We listen patiently. After he was done with his monologue, it was my (and Colin’s) turn to speak. We gave him harsh but honest words. Some were reminders. Others were corrections.
We gave him hard questions. He was quietly nodding his head. I just hope he realizes that Colin and I sincerely want to help him see things in a different perspective.
I don’t know how much of what we said really hit home. We did our part. The rest is up to him.
“Hello, Lito. Are you ready for lunch?” I said cheerfully.
Before he could reply, “Wait a second. Are you going to be bad company today? You sound sad again. Please, can we talk about happier things? Please..?” He has been grouchy since beginning of the week and I can’t stand another day being at the receiving end of this whining. Again.
“I can’t help it. There is just something that Anne (Anne is one of his team members) said … "
“You know, I think I’ll have indigestion if we spend an hour of negativity,” I said sweetly. “Oh please can we talk about other things over lunch, please? I won’t like you as my lunchmate if you give me another round of those complaints. Only happy thoughts. This one time?” The sugary tone didn’t escape him.
“Okay,” he says with a sigh.
I relented. “Okay, I give you 15 minutes tops to let it out and that is it.”
“No. I promise. No complaining this time.” Happily, i put down the phone proceeded to the 8th floor cafeteria.
When I met him at 8th floor, I saw Anne with him and we spend an hour free of office issues that usually dampen their moods. But our new topic leaves a lot to be desired as well. (sigh) I prefer to keep it at that.
Four hours later, Lito calls me up for snacks. This time, with Colin. Still no complaints (yess..) but his face was morose and at one point, he bowed his head and rested his cheek on the table. Colin and I looked at each other, with questions in our eyes.
There are a lot of times when I do prefer not to have Lito join us for meals. He tests my patience. Whining has become his bad habit.
But I felt a wave of compassion for the guy.
“Cheer up. Lito.” With a defeated sigh, I said, “ Okay, let’s hear them.”
Without hesitation, he begins a litany of his office angst. We listen patiently. After he was done with his monologue, it was my (and Colin’s) turn to speak. We gave him harsh but honest words. Some were reminders. Others were corrections.
We gave him hard questions. He was quietly nodding his head. I just hope he realizes that Colin and I sincerely want to help him see things in a different perspective.
I don’t know how much of what we said really hit home. We did our part. The rest is up to him.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
A price I willingly paid
Sure, I just came from a ten-day off from work. Sure, two days of that were spent recovering from a cold virus that almost ruined the rest of my vacation. Sure, a day before my long break, six of Chris’ (the guy I share the room with in the office) staff were tasked (by my boss) to ‘assist’ me so I can complete my deliverables. (Yep, I will complete them upon my return. Isn’t my boss the coolest?!)
But their help came with a price. Rey, together with the two other guys in the team teased me no end about buying them merienda… What a naughty, rowdy trio.. They feign a cough while saying “pizza! pizza!”. They give me melodramatic lines about how they need to squeeze in this extra job to fit into their hectic schedules. I thought to myself, oh dear, I kinda see myself in them. This is payback it seems. I am sometimes guilty of sweet talking my way to a freebie. Guys usually give in easily.
I held my ground. I laughed with them as they continued in their spiels. I smiled at them as they stepped out of the room, unsuccessful. Whew! It was difficult to refuse but I had a budget to think of given my long break. Okay, honestly, I just wanted to win that round. My competitive streak was on.
Day one of my return to the office. We hold a meeting to discuss issues. With Chris’ permission, I ask them to do one more simple thing which I know my boss will ask. Once again, the three guys (the three ladies were shy, it seems) began reciting the phone numbers of a pizza company and a burger chain. Over and over again. Now, that is new.
And where was Chris throughout this 'ordeal' ? Right there with us, quietly watching, smiling and wondering if and when i will give in to the pressure.
To their surprise, I said 'okay, go. snacks on me'. I handed Rey the money and suddenly, the three boys blushed! I laughed seeing them squirm in embarrassment. They didn’t expect my response. Three huge guys blushing Ha ha ha How adorable! They said they were just kidding. I said, sure you were.
When I get a freebie, I just clap with glee. No apologies. Maybe because they are boys, err men. And they just ripped off a lady… (umm..that would be moi) .. That, while calling me ma’am. The three ladies were less vocal but I see their potential.
Half an hour later, you see us in the pantry, gorging on pizza.
But their help came with a price. Rey, together with the two other guys in the team teased me no end about buying them merienda… What a naughty, rowdy trio.. They feign a cough while saying “pizza! pizza!”. They give me melodramatic lines about how they need to squeeze in this extra job to fit into their hectic schedules. I thought to myself, oh dear, I kinda see myself in them. This is payback it seems. I am sometimes guilty of sweet talking my way to a freebie. Guys usually give in easily.
I held my ground. I laughed with them as they continued in their spiels. I smiled at them as they stepped out of the room, unsuccessful. Whew! It was difficult to refuse but I had a budget to think of given my long break. Okay, honestly, I just wanted to win that round. My competitive streak was on.
Day one of my return to the office. We hold a meeting to discuss issues. With Chris’ permission, I ask them to do one more simple thing which I know my boss will ask. Once again, the three guys (the three ladies were shy, it seems) began reciting the phone numbers of a pizza company and a burger chain. Over and over again. Now, that is new.
And where was Chris throughout this 'ordeal' ? Right there with us, quietly watching, smiling and wondering if and when i will give in to the pressure.
To their surprise, I said 'okay, go. snacks on me'. I handed Rey the money and suddenly, the three boys blushed! I laughed seeing them squirm in embarrassment. They didn’t expect my response. Three huge guys blushing Ha ha ha How adorable! They said they were just kidding. I said, sure you were.
When I get a freebie, I just clap with glee. No apologies. Maybe because they are boys, err men. And they just ripped off a lady… (umm..that would be moi) .. That, while calling me ma’am. The three ladies were less vocal but I see their potential.
Half an hour later, you see us in the pantry, gorging on pizza.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Mumblings
We do have the weirdest weather in Manila. It can't seem to make up its mind.
It was a humid Monday night with barely a breeze in the air.
A very promising Tuesday, the morning sun promptly making its (heated) presence felt.
Midday, the sky turns dark, the mood downcast, the air cold. Minutes later, the heavy clouds give way.
An hour-long downpour.
Now, three hours later, I look out the window and the sun shows up again, drying up the puddles that muddied my floral shoes earlier (I just had to say that! Ha ha ha).
When I think about it, life mirrors today’s changing condition .…..
But I think it mirrors a woman’s mood swings even more.
(A woman speaketh). =D
It was a humid Monday night with barely a breeze in the air.
A very promising Tuesday, the morning sun promptly making its (heated) presence felt.
Midday, the sky turns dark, the mood downcast, the air cold. Minutes later, the heavy clouds give way.
An hour-long downpour.
Now, three hours later, I look out the window and the sun shows up again, drying up the puddles that muddied my floral shoes earlier (I just had to say that! Ha ha ha).
When I think about it, life mirrors today’s changing condition .…..
But I think it mirrors a woman’s mood swings even more.
(A woman speaketh). =D
Friday, October 21, 2005
Ignoring life's little pains
I twisted my left ankle several days ago. Just a minor thing, really. (as I am able to walk seconds after that “incident”)
Blame it on my 1.5 (or is it 2?) inch light brown shoes that provided little protection, if at all (but the shoes look very feminine and stylish..oh dear me...the price of vanity). Or maybe I can blame it on the sloped side road I was brave enough to walk on or maybe I am just innately clumsy. (I’ve always thought of myself as flat-footed because of the regular ‘slips’, but I am not. I just needed a plausible excuse)
I don’t feel any pain at all but just to give my poor ankles a rest, I put that pair of shoes aside.
Once in a while, to give my feet its much-deserved exercise, I do the usual stretches. Now I move it in a gentle and gradual circular motion… ouch! Did I just say I didn’t feel any pain? I take it back. My left ankle hurts.
It is not the kind of ache that needs a bandage, not the kind that would render me immobile, not the kind that would require me some pain relievers, not the kind that would hinder me from walking.
But it is there.
Ironically, I feel it when I am resting. I feel it when I touch the portion that bore my weight from that near-fall.
I am sure of two things:
It does not give me an excruciating ache, just a discomfort, a slight sting.
It does not hinder me from my regular routine.
In the meantime, how do I deal with it? What’s the best anesthetic?
Nothing. I just have to ignore it. When I do feel a semblance of pain, I endure it and simply walk it off.
See, there is one more thing I am certain of, this pain is temporary.
That is how I choose to deal with my little pains, be it from a sprained ankle or from something else.
Blame it on my 1.5 (or is it 2?) inch light brown shoes that provided little protection, if at all (but the shoes look very feminine and stylish..oh dear me...the price of vanity). Or maybe I can blame it on the sloped side road I was brave enough to walk on or maybe I am just innately clumsy. (I’ve always thought of myself as flat-footed because of the regular ‘slips’, but I am not. I just needed a plausible excuse)
I don’t feel any pain at all but just to give my poor ankles a rest, I put that pair of shoes aside.
Once in a while, to give my feet its much-deserved exercise, I do the usual stretches. Now I move it in a gentle and gradual circular motion… ouch! Did I just say I didn’t feel any pain? I take it back. My left ankle hurts.
It is not the kind of ache that needs a bandage, not the kind that would render me immobile, not the kind that would require me some pain relievers, not the kind that would hinder me from walking.
But it is there.
Ironically, I feel it when I am resting. I feel it when I touch the portion that bore my weight from that near-fall.
I am sure of two things:
It does not give me an excruciating ache, just a discomfort, a slight sting.
It does not hinder me from my regular routine.
In the meantime, how do I deal with it? What’s the best anesthetic?
Nothing. I just have to ignore it. When I do feel a semblance of pain, I endure it and simply walk it off.
See, there is one more thing I am certain of, this pain is temporary.
That is how I choose to deal with my little pains, be it from a sprained ankle or from something else.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
I gripe
I have a messed up desk right now. Papers strewn all over the place. I remember agreeing to have a table smaller than what I should have in order to accommodate the other occupant of this room. It seemed spacious enough especially since I was given a very nice 19-inch flat panel. Now, I feel like saying, “I want that table back!”
Whew! Breath in, breath out. I steal a glance at Chris, my very mild-mannered, soft-spoken, nice looking roommate.....
...........
Okay, okay!. No more complaints.
Whew! Breath in, breath out. I steal a glance at Chris, my very mild-mannered, soft-spoken, nice looking roommate.....
...........
Okay, okay!. No more complaints.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
This one is for you
We all have fixtures in our lives. They keep our days predictable and secure. And though sometimes, days become routine, fixtures make them bearable. Some fixtures, you will have your entire life, others, for a brief moment.
Yet no matter the length of time, fixtures leave happy and fond memories, memories that lift that corner of your lips to a happy smile.
For over a year, this fixture shared my passion for two important loves of my life - music and writing (a rare combination that this fixture shares with two others), among other many little things.
For over a year, it has entertained, educated and enlivened me. Over the last year, it has been exactly that, a fixture that decorated my shelf called life.
Now this fixture has left its usual place on my daily shelf. And though I feel a tinge of sadness and nostalgia, I am also filled with a huge amount of gratitude -- for the happy and carefree company.
This post is for you, James. My way of saying you were a daily fixture on my shelf that I will remember with fondness. And with great pride.
Here’s to your new and bloggable adventures! Cheers! (you’ll be saying a lot of that, I am sure!)
Yet no matter the length of time, fixtures leave happy and fond memories, memories that lift that corner of your lips to a happy smile.
For over a year, this fixture shared my passion for two important loves of my life - music and writing (a rare combination that this fixture shares with two others), among other many little things.
For over a year, it has entertained, educated and enlivened me. Over the last year, it has been exactly that, a fixture that decorated my shelf called life.
Now this fixture has left its usual place on my daily shelf. And though I feel a tinge of sadness and nostalgia, I am also filled with a huge amount of gratitude -- for the happy and carefree company.
This post is for you, James. My way of saying you were a daily fixture on my shelf that I will remember with fondness. And with great pride.
Here’s to your new and bloggable adventures! Cheers! (you’ll be saying a lot of that, I am sure!)
Thursday, October 06, 2005
This thing called IFRS
It turned the financial reporting world upside down - International Financial Reporting Standards.
The international standards for accounting and auditing have been in existence since the 60s, serving as the rudder that steers the direction of the world of financial reporting. But these standards are by far reaching an unprecedented significance as the world moves closer towards international convergence.
One by one, countries from all over make the gradual and painful transition from their existing local standards to IFRS. Other countries are more prepared than others with their respective accounting standards council initiating revisions in their local standards to make it parallel to IFRS.
IFRS shook a portion of the standards’ foundations. I am not privy to the process that went with the finalization of IFRS but the powers that govern the finance world is autocratic. The Council draws up the details while the rest of us wait in anxious anticipation. Suffice to say, IFRS is geared towards fair market value reporting. The Standards also addressed the contentious ‘off-balance sheet’ items arising from derivatives. Off balance sheet no more!
As a corporation that sells financial information, my employer prepared well for the radical changes, making headway in product enhancements and database adjustments. Our production group and technology group had to be up to speed in order to provide subscribers with the latest and most updated information.
With some of the basic accounting rules revised or totally discarded, I had to do a lot reading and studying to ‘update’ myself. Some of my days are spent helping some non- accountants in the team understand the changes.
Change!!! It is all about change and how resilient we need to be. I remember that little (but expensive) book called Who Moved My Cheese. In the age of globalization, we can’t be complacent. We have a choice between becoming like a Hem or a Haw.
IFRS. It is the force that pretty much renders the latest editions of all accounting books obsolete.
The international standards for accounting and auditing have been in existence since the 60s, serving as the rudder that steers the direction of the world of financial reporting. But these standards are by far reaching an unprecedented significance as the world moves closer towards international convergence.
One by one, countries from all over make the gradual and painful transition from their existing local standards to IFRS. Other countries are more prepared than others with their respective accounting standards council initiating revisions in their local standards to make it parallel to IFRS.
IFRS shook a portion of the standards’ foundations. I am not privy to the process that went with the finalization of IFRS but the powers that govern the finance world is autocratic. The Council draws up the details while the rest of us wait in anxious anticipation. Suffice to say, IFRS is geared towards fair market value reporting. The Standards also addressed the contentious ‘off-balance sheet’ items arising from derivatives. Off balance sheet no more!
As a corporation that sells financial information, my employer prepared well for the radical changes, making headway in product enhancements and database adjustments. Our production group and technology group had to be up to speed in order to provide subscribers with the latest and most updated information.
With some of the basic accounting rules revised or totally discarded, I had to do a lot reading and studying to ‘update’ myself. Some of my days are spent helping some non- accountants in the team understand the changes.
Change!!! It is all about change and how resilient we need to be. I remember that little (but expensive) book called Who Moved My Cheese. In the age of globalization, we can’t be complacent. We have a choice between becoming like a Hem or a Haw.
IFRS. It is the force that pretty much renders the latest editions of all accounting books obsolete.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
A Certain Smile
How could I have forgotten Johnny Mathis in my roster of favorites?! Admittedly, I only know two or three of his songs. But (again!) my father liked listening to him and Mathis’ voice grew on me. I always mistake him for Nat King Cole. They sound the same to me. That is why I like them both.
Most of all, I love his song A Certain Smile
Years back, I watched an old movie with the same title. (One of the local networks had a month long feature of classic movies. You bet I didn’t miss a single one.) It is a love story set in France. Of course, the actors were all French except for one vaguely familiar name – Joan Fontaine. I think she was a famous Hollywood star.
Where was I? I am rambling.. Oh yes.
To my surprise (and pleasure!), Johnny Mathis himself made a special appearance in the movie and sang the song.
His song, nominated for Song of the Year during the 1958 Academy Awards, is a classic. The lyrics…Whew! And his voice..! You just have to hear him sing.
A certain smile, a certain face
Can lead an unsuspecting heart
On a merry chase
A fleeting glance can say
So many lovely things
Suddenly you know why my heart sings
You love awhile and when love goes
You try to hide the tears inside
With a cheerful pose
But in the hush of night
Exactly like a bitter sweet refrain
Comes that certain smile
To haunt your heart again
I used to only know the very first line and last four lines. That was enough for me. It had me at .. a certain smile.
Most of all, I love his song A Certain Smile
Years back, I watched an old movie with the same title. (One of the local networks had a month long feature of classic movies. You bet I didn’t miss a single one.) It is a love story set in France. Of course, the actors were all French except for one vaguely familiar name – Joan Fontaine. I think she was a famous Hollywood star.
Where was I? I am rambling.. Oh yes.
To my surprise (and pleasure!), Johnny Mathis himself made a special appearance in the movie and sang the song.
His song, nominated for Song of the Year during the 1958 Academy Awards, is a classic. The lyrics…Whew! And his voice..! You just have to hear him sing.
A certain smile, a certain face
Can lead an unsuspecting heart
On a merry chase
A fleeting glance can say
So many lovely things
Suddenly you know why my heart sings
You love awhile and when love goes
You try to hide the tears inside
With a cheerful pose
But in the hush of night
Exactly like a bitter sweet refrain
Comes that certain smile
To haunt your heart again
I used to only know the very first line and last four lines. That was enough for me. It had me at .. a certain smile.
Monday, October 03, 2005
When the heart hurts
I was watching one of my favorite shows when one line from one of the lead characters floored me. It went something like this -
“I am not just sad. I am broken.”
I blinked to fight the tears. Exactly how I feel.
I recently had a bitter argument with someone who means a lot to me. Sadly, I still don’t have the strength to confront the situation and mend the relationship.
Thinking about the strained relationship gives me a hollow feeling. A deep sadness. A certain brokenness. Writing about it still makes me cry.
Last weekend, I get a text message from a friend. “ I hope you can find a way to make things right…”
I am sure things will normalize but at this point, some pieces of my broken whole may take a while to find. And may take awhile to put back together.
I don’t go about my day long-faced and grouchy. I manage a genuine smile and give a hearty laugh every so often.
But sometimes, I do flash a smile that never reaches my eyes. Maybe sometimes, for a brief moment, I look down to hide a pained expression triggered by a memory.
"The mighty God will not despise
The contrite heart for sacrifice;
The deep-fetched sigh, the secret groan,
Rises accepted to the throne.
He meets, with tokens of his grace,
The trembling lip, the blushing face;
His bowels yearn when sinners pray;
And mercy bears their sins away.
When filled with grief, o'erwhelmed with shame;
He, pitying, heals their broken frame;
He hears their sad complaints, and spies
His image in their weeping eyes."
“I am not just sad. I am broken.”
I blinked to fight the tears. Exactly how I feel.
I recently had a bitter argument with someone who means a lot to me. Sadly, I still don’t have the strength to confront the situation and mend the relationship.
Thinking about the strained relationship gives me a hollow feeling. A deep sadness. A certain brokenness. Writing about it still makes me cry.
Last weekend, I get a text message from a friend. “ I hope you can find a way to make things right…”
I am sure things will normalize but at this point, some pieces of my broken whole may take a while to find. And may take awhile to put back together.
I don’t go about my day long-faced and grouchy. I manage a genuine smile and give a hearty laugh every so often.
But sometimes, I do flash a smile that never reaches my eyes. Maybe sometimes, for a brief moment, I look down to hide a pained expression triggered by a memory.
"The mighty God will not despise
The contrite heart for sacrifice;
The deep-fetched sigh, the secret groan,
Rises accepted to the throne.
He meets, with tokens of his grace,
The trembling lip, the blushing face;
His bowels yearn when sinners pray;
And mercy bears their sins away.
When filled with grief, o'erwhelmed with shame;
He, pitying, heals their broken frame;
He hears their sad complaints, and spies
His image in their weeping eyes."
Friday, September 30, 2005
My Lifelong Love Affair
I can’t recall when I first heard this song. I can only remember how my older sister, Becky liked it. (During my impressionable years, I pretty much liked everything that my older siblings liked.) I hardly learned the lyrics but the melody and the singer’s voice, I distinctly recall. The song? Stereo by America. From lyrics.com, excerpt of the song goes:
Stereo
We’re livin’ it in stereo
We fix it so our love is high fidelity
Mix it so we never lose the melody
We try to equalize our lives in stereo
We’re livin’ it in stereo
We tune it till we have a perfect parody
Commune with such a fine-cut, crystal clarity
It seems to symbolize
Our lives in stereo
Growing up, I developed my own taste in music. My interest spawned from Madonna, Spandau Ballet, Depeche Mode, Fra Lippo Lippi, Whitney Houston to Alicia Keys, Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce Knowles, Usher and Nelly. It even went as far back as Matt Monro, Engelbert Humperdinck, Patti Page, Paul Anka, Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Pat Boone, etc etc.
Still, the soulful sound of the late 70’s draws me and for some brief moments brings me back in time – to the music industry’s glory days. I love the songs of James Taylor, Seals and Croft, Jim Croce, John Denver, Bread and Don McLean. Their music defies time, I believe.
Some years ago, it happens again. I hear this old song every so often but never catch the jocks mention the artist nor the title. For the longest time, I don’t know anything about the song and hardly paid attention to the lyrics, except that the voice is vaguely familiar. I am sure it is another one from the 70s.
Just recently, I chance upon the disjock (Bless him!) giving his listeners a background on my elusive song. The song’s title, Right Before My Eyes! Finally!
The Artist? America! What do you know? The two songs that kept me guessing are from one group of gifted musicians from the 70s! Right away, I check lyrics.com and smile as I read the lyrics. Do humor me as I share some words from the song and agree how mushy (and how vintage!) it is.
Every day I sit beside you
On the bus to Madison Avenue
Work in the big gray store
With the revolving doors
You don’t even know my name
I guess that I’m to blame
Don’t know the right things to say
So I pretend away
That I’m Rudolph Valentino
Pull up in my limousine
Oh, won’t you come in out of the rain
Things’ll never be the same
And then just like Greta Garbo
You stare like there’s no tomorrow
And you’ll know what I’m thinking of
Right before your eyes I fall in love with you
I kinda know that Valentino and Garbo are Hollywood icons. Maybe I could just change it from Valentino to Brad Pitt and Garbo to umm…Angelina Jolie. Just to keep with the times. But then I realize, those two names made the song distinct. Besides, I don’t like Angelina right now. And Brad Pitt, for that matter.
There! I found my song. What next? Nothing else. Those who love music like I do can understand that “finding” my elusive song is reward enough. And maybe, just maybe, adding a greatest hits album to my collection.
“There have been others but never two lovers like music, music and me.” Oh yea. I like Michael Jackson’s music too. Way, way, way back when …
Hmm. Liked my title? What did you think this was all about? =)
Stereo
We’re livin’ it in stereo
We fix it so our love is high fidelity
Mix it so we never lose the melody
We try to equalize our lives in stereo
We’re livin’ it in stereo
We tune it till we have a perfect parody
Commune with such a fine-cut, crystal clarity
It seems to symbolize
Our lives in stereo
Growing up, I developed my own taste in music. My interest spawned from Madonna, Spandau Ballet, Depeche Mode, Fra Lippo Lippi, Whitney Houston to Alicia Keys, Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce Knowles, Usher and Nelly. It even went as far back as Matt Monro, Engelbert Humperdinck, Patti Page, Paul Anka, Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Pat Boone, etc etc.
Still, the soulful sound of the late 70’s draws me and for some brief moments brings me back in time – to the music industry’s glory days. I love the songs of James Taylor, Seals and Croft, Jim Croce, John Denver, Bread and Don McLean. Their music defies time, I believe.
Some years ago, it happens again. I hear this old song every so often but never catch the jocks mention the artist nor the title. For the longest time, I don’t know anything about the song and hardly paid attention to the lyrics, except that the voice is vaguely familiar. I am sure it is another one from the 70s.
Just recently, I chance upon the disjock (Bless him!) giving his listeners a background on my elusive song. The song’s title, Right Before My Eyes! Finally!
The Artist? America! What do you know? The two songs that kept me guessing are from one group of gifted musicians from the 70s! Right away, I check lyrics.com and smile as I read the lyrics. Do humor me as I share some words from the song and agree how mushy (and how vintage!) it is.
Every day I sit beside you
On the bus to Madison Avenue
Work in the big gray store
With the revolving doors
You don’t even know my name
I guess that I’m to blame
Don’t know the right things to say
So I pretend away
That I’m Rudolph Valentino
Pull up in my limousine
Oh, won’t you come in out of the rain
Things’ll never be the same
And then just like Greta Garbo
You stare like there’s no tomorrow
And you’ll know what I’m thinking of
Right before your eyes I fall in love with you
I kinda know that Valentino and Garbo are Hollywood icons. Maybe I could just change it from Valentino to Brad Pitt and Garbo to umm…Angelina Jolie. Just to keep with the times. But then I realize, those two names made the song distinct. Besides, I don’t like Angelina right now. And Brad Pitt, for that matter.
There! I found my song. What next? Nothing else. Those who love music like I do can understand that “finding” my elusive song is reward enough. And maybe, just maybe, adding a greatest hits album to my collection.
“There have been others but never two lovers like music, music and me.” Oh yea. I like Michael Jackson’s music too. Way, way, way back when …
Hmm. Liked my title? What did you think this was all about? =)
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
And Nature Speaks
“We used to call this sportsman's paradise," said a Louisiana native. "But sometimes Mother Nature will come back and remind us that it has power over the land. That's what this storm did."
I had to pause while reading the news on the aftermath of the two lady hurricanes that hit Texas and Louisiana. The words seem to jump out of the computer screen.
I can almost feel the profound emotion, the loss. But only someone who has witnessed that terrible devastation can truly relate.
"All we can do is hang on".
"We've taken quite a beating."
I read story after story and viewed hundreds of pictures of properties destroyed by Katrina and Rita. But the words from that Louisiana native rang in my head.
I continue to read:
Long before Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, governments and engineers with lively imaginations have come up with some strange ideas for how to combat nature's wrath, including drawing up plans to seed clouds, spill oil, set up windmills and even drop atomic bombs to soften the blow of lethal storms (AFP/NOAA/File)
Man, no matter how brilliant, can never outsmart the hand of God. There are people who seriously believe they can maneuver their way out of a natural phenomenon. They think they can 'jump the gun' on God. Calamities like these remind me of my humanity, of how defenseless man can be when nature lashes out her fury.
A passage from Isaiah 40 comes to mind:
Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.
We can never fully understand why disasters happen. It is difficult to make sense of such events especially in the minds of those who seem to be near death’s door. How painful it is to those who are literally picking up the pieces of their broken lives. How seemingly hopeless and desperate to see your places of security in a pile of rubble.
I always remember someone telling me: Everything we go through always passes through the loving hand of the Sovereign Creator. This too, shall come to pass.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
In the face of disaster, we come to terms with our humanity. We remember our own mortality and helplessness. We remember compassion. We remember hope. We remember to pause. And pray. The most human thing to do, is pray.
I had to pause while reading the news on the aftermath of the two lady hurricanes that hit Texas and Louisiana. The words seem to jump out of the computer screen.
I can almost feel the profound emotion, the loss. But only someone who has witnessed that terrible devastation can truly relate.
"All we can do is hang on".
"We've taken quite a beating."
I read story after story and viewed hundreds of pictures of properties destroyed by Katrina and Rita. But the words from that Louisiana native rang in my head.
I continue to read:
Long before Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, governments and engineers with lively imaginations have come up with some strange ideas for how to combat nature's wrath, including drawing up plans to seed clouds, spill oil, set up windmills and even drop atomic bombs to soften the blow of lethal storms (AFP/NOAA/File)
Man, no matter how brilliant, can never outsmart the hand of God. There are people who seriously believe they can maneuver their way out of a natural phenomenon. They think they can 'jump the gun' on God. Calamities like these remind me of my humanity, of how defenseless man can be when nature lashes out her fury.
A passage from Isaiah 40 comes to mind:
Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.
We can never fully understand why disasters happen. It is difficult to make sense of such events especially in the minds of those who seem to be near death’s door. How painful it is to those who are literally picking up the pieces of their broken lives. How seemingly hopeless and desperate to see your places of security in a pile of rubble.
I always remember someone telling me: Everything we go through always passes through the loving hand of the Sovereign Creator. This too, shall come to pass.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
In the face of disaster, we come to terms with our humanity. We remember our own mortality and helplessness. We remember compassion. We remember hope. We remember to pause. And pray. The most human thing to do, is pray.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Mishka
Check out my first autographed CD!!!
It’s an album by a talented young jazz artist Mishka Adams.
I still find it hard to believe that that voice is from someone who is in her early twenties. Those who appreciate the legendary voices of Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday will definitely love her sound. What makes her more special is her lineage. She is half Filipino. Born and raised in the Philippines!!
I must thank James for introducing me to her new CD. Thank you!
And special thanks to my friend Malou for giving me reason to drop by Tower Records that night to find something for her birthday. Otherwise, I would not have found out that Mishka is coming over to the store for a mini-concert and autograph session.
I would have missed the pleasure of meeting this awesome young talent!
So, this is how it feels to be an adoring fan.
It’s an album by a talented young jazz artist Mishka Adams.
I still find it hard to believe that that voice is from someone who is in her early twenties. Those who appreciate the legendary voices of Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday will definitely love her sound. What makes her more special is her lineage. She is half Filipino. Born and raised in the Philippines!!
I must thank James for introducing me to her new CD. Thank you!
And special thanks to my friend Malou for giving me reason to drop by Tower Records that night to find something for her birthday. Otherwise, I would not have found out that Mishka is coming over to the store for a mini-concert and autograph session.
I would have missed the pleasure of meeting this awesome young talent!
So, this is how it feels to be an adoring fan.
Monday, September 19, 2005
A funny thing happened on the way home
Talk about timing.
A colleague/friend of mine, James, has had this huge crush on one of our officemates. Barbiedoll. For months, I believe he constantly struggles between simply admiring her from afar and asking her out. Three glaring hindrances exist – he is migrating to Australia in October, she smokes (he doesn’t like women who smoke) and she has boyfriend. Three factors arranged in order of consideration. (ugh yes, the boyfriend is a non issue to him, almost).
I take it as Divine Providence that never, in the last few months did he get the chance to take the same ride home with her. They do take the same route going home but he tells me that 45-minute ride home with her remains elusive. Funny that when that opportunity finally came, her boyfriend decides to accompany her home. Even funnier is, when that time came, I take the same ride home with them. (To witness and enjoy the scenes that unfold..hahaha)
Barbiedoll introduces us to her man and the four of us spend about half an hour waiting in line. It is also funny to note that according to James, he rarely experienced such long queues. Funny also to remember that when it was time to take our place inside the van, James and I sat behind the couple. Perfect view, I mused. They looked good together.
How torturous this must be if I were in James’ place, I thought. As it happens, I play the observer, just enjoying the music and making conversation with my friend who must be feeling – what? I am not really sure what goes in men’s minds in times like these.
I used to joke about it a lot. About him finding the means to express his feelings, albeit unrequited. It can be a thrill to create storylines in your head. A momentary respite. A daydream.
But it has become increasingly difficult after meeting Barbiedoll’s significant other. Now he has a face. Now he is a real person, not an idea that I can easily dismiss (especially when he is that good looking).
It can be easy to dream up the most romantic storyline to give James a nice ending with Barbiedoll. But in the real world, things are more complicated. In the real world, lives intertwine. It can’t be just about two people. Each plot is made up of subplots and characters. Real people with feelings.
I believe it was not just a case of bad timing.
Funny. I have done draft after draft, trying to re-create that event in writing, attempting at an amusing tone. But relationships do need to be taken seriously. And I guess so should this seemingly mundane event.
A colleague/friend of mine, James, has had this huge crush on one of our officemates. Barbiedoll. For months, I believe he constantly struggles between simply admiring her from afar and asking her out. Three glaring hindrances exist – he is migrating to Australia in October, she smokes (he doesn’t like women who smoke) and she has boyfriend. Three factors arranged in order of consideration. (ugh yes, the boyfriend is a non issue to him, almost).
I take it as Divine Providence that never, in the last few months did he get the chance to take the same ride home with her. They do take the same route going home but he tells me that 45-minute ride home with her remains elusive. Funny that when that opportunity finally came, her boyfriend decides to accompany her home. Even funnier is, when that time came, I take the same ride home with them. (To witness and enjoy the scenes that unfold..hahaha)
Barbiedoll introduces us to her man and the four of us spend about half an hour waiting in line. It is also funny to note that according to James, he rarely experienced such long queues. Funny also to remember that when it was time to take our place inside the van, James and I sat behind the couple. Perfect view, I mused. They looked good together.
How torturous this must be if I were in James’ place, I thought. As it happens, I play the observer, just enjoying the music and making conversation with my friend who must be feeling – what? I am not really sure what goes in men’s minds in times like these.
I used to joke about it a lot. About him finding the means to express his feelings, albeit unrequited. It can be a thrill to create storylines in your head. A momentary respite. A daydream.
But it has become increasingly difficult after meeting Barbiedoll’s significant other. Now he has a face. Now he is a real person, not an idea that I can easily dismiss (especially when he is that good looking).
It can be easy to dream up the most romantic storyline to give James a nice ending with Barbiedoll. But in the real world, things are more complicated. In the real world, lives intertwine. It can’t be just about two people. Each plot is made up of subplots and characters. Real people with feelings.
I believe it was not just a case of bad timing.
Funny. I have done draft after draft, trying to re-create that event in writing, attempting at an amusing tone. But relationships do need to be taken seriously. And I guess so should this seemingly mundane event.
Monday, September 12, 2005
Kids do say the darndest things
Over the weekend, I had the most pleasurable time with CJ, my friend’s four-year old kid. Although he grew up in the Philippines, his accent and his mastery of the English language is remarkable. I wish I could remember each conversation we had but the ones I recall are priceless.
Over donuts, this kid looks at the tall glass of coke in front me.
CJ: Tita (meaning, auntie), what is that? (pointing to the glass)
Me: It is softdrink. Um.. Coke
CJ: Is that the same as soda?
Me: Yes it is.
I smiled at him while munching on donuts.
CJ: I don’t like soda.
He says with a frown.
Me: Why not?
CJ: Well because it doesn’t taste good.
His mom (my friend) trained him well. I remember that she and her husband share the same dislike for softdrinks, I mean soda.
Me: So what do you like to drink?
CJ: I just like water, no ice and juice!
I smiled at him and gave him the thumbs up, a disastrous move I realized later. “Good for you!”
Then he said, wagging his forefinger in front of his face. “Tita, drinking soda is bad for your health.”
Oh dear..I turned my head to see where his mom his, begging to be saved.
“Umm. Why is it bad for my health?,” hoping my tiny chair would give way, anything to distract the kid.
“Because it doesn’t taste good!”
“The ice I don’t put in my juice and water. I eat ice!”, he continues.
Stupidly I ask, “So what does it taste like?”
He frowns at me and says, “Well. Like water.”
Of course. This four year old is making me feel like an imbecile.
After donuts, CJ shows me his notebook, each page has scribbles, mostly drawings of cars.
Me: You like drawing cars, CJ.
CJ: Those are not cars. Those are trucks. Big big trucks. I like trucks. I don’t like cars. And trucks have many wheels, Tita.
Me: Yes they do.
I watch him turn to blank page and expertly draw another car, I mean truck.
Me: You only have two wheels, CJ. I thought trucks have many wheels.
CJ: Tita, this is just paper. There is another wheel there because this one (pointing to the wheel he just drew) covers it.”
He apparently understands dimensions already.
Then I try again, “What about windows? No windows in your truck?”
“Well there are, but they are made of glass so you cant see them,”replies nonchalantly.
Oh boy.. This kid has all the answers.
“And windows of trucks get stuck so you cant open them. They are always stuck. But the windows of cabs don’t get stuck. You can really open them.”
***************
CJ: What is your favorite color
Me: Orange
CJ: Noo. That is not your favorite color
Me: It is not?
CJ: You have to change it. Orange is my favorite color. Pick another color. What about maroon. You are wearing maroon.
Me: Okay, maroon it is or maybe red.
CJ: “Ahh Red. Okay red.”
He paused and flashed me the sweetest smile. “ I will give you a rose on your birthday ”
And this tops them all:
CJ: Tita, do you have a kid?
Me: What do you think?
He looks at me and says, “No. I mean yes. Hmm No.”
Me: Why not?
CJ: Well do you have a kid or not?”
Over donuts, this kid looks at the tall glass of coke in front me.
CJ: Tita (meaning, auntie), what is that? (pointing to the glass)
Me: It is softdrink. Um.. Coke
CJ: Is that the same as soda?
Me: Yes it is.
I smiled at him while munching on donuts.
CJ: I don’t like soda.
He says with a frown.
Me: Why not?
CJ: Well because it doesn’t taste good.
His mom (my friend) trained him well. I remember that she and her husband share the same dislike for softdrinks, I mean soda.
Me: So what do you like to drink?
CJ: I just like water, no ice and juice!
I smiled at him and gave him the thumbs up, a disastrous move I realized later. “Good for you!”
Then he said, wagging his forefinger in front of his face. “Tita, drinking soda is bad for your health.”
Oh dear..I turned my head to see where his mom his, begging to be saved.
“Umm. Why is it bad for my health?,” hoping my tiny chair would give way, anything to distract the kid.
“Because it doesn’t taste good!”
“The ice I don’t put in my juice and water. I eat ice!”, he continues.
Stupidly I ask, “So what does it taste like?”
He frowns at me and says, “Well. Like water.”
Of course. This four year old is making me feel like an imbecile.
After donuts, CJ shows me his notebook, each page has scribbles, mostly drawings of cars.
Me: You like drawing cars, CJ.
CJ: Those are not cars. Those are trucks. Big big trucks. I like trucks. I don’t like cars. And trucks have many wheels, Tita.
Me: Yes they do.
I watch him turn to blank page and expertly draw another car, I mean truck.
Me: You only have two wheels, CJ. I thought trucks have many wheels.
CJ: Tita, this is just paper. There is another wheel there because this one (pointing to the wheel he just drew) covers it.”
He apparently understands dimensions already.
Then I try again, “What about windows? No windows in your truck?”
“Well there are, but they are made of glass so you cant see them,”replies nonchalantly.
Oh boy.. This kid has all the answers.
“And windows of trucks get stuck so you cant open them. They are always stuck. But the windows of cabs don’t get stuck. You can really open them.”
***************
CJ: What is your favorite color
Me: Orange
CJ: Noo. That is not your favorite color
Me: It is not?
CJ: You have to change it. Orange is my favorite color. Pick another color. What about maroon. You are wearing maroon.
Me: Okay, maroon it is or maybe red.
CJ: “Ahh Red. Okay red.”
He paused and flashed me the sweetest smile. “ I will give you a rose on your birthday ”
And this tops them all:
CJ: Tita, do you have a kid?
Me: What do you think?
He looks at me and says, “No. I mean yes. Hmm No.”
Me: Why not?
CJ: Well do you have a kid or not?”
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Love Like Ours
An old love song that I only heard recently. By Barbra Streisand. So beautiful. Moving melody. Only someone who has found a one true love can weave words as profound as this..
I look at you and there it is
The ultimate in where it is
And realize how rare it is
This finding your love
You try so many arms when you are lonely
To find the one and only
One day you turn and he’s there
Amazing how serene it is
The shade of evergreen, it is
Exactly what we mean, it is
And knew it would be
When love like ours arrives
We guard with our lives
Whatever goes astray
What rainy day comes around
A love like ours will keep us safe and sound.
I look at you and there it is
The ultimate in where it is
And realize how rare it is
This finding your love
You try so many arms when you are lonely
To find the one and only
One day you turn and he’s there
Amazing how serene it is
The shade of evergreen, it is
Exactly what we mean, it is
And knew it would be
When love like ours arrives
We guard with our lives
Whatever goes astray
What rainy day comes around
A love like ours will keep us safe and sound.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Thinking of Seven
Okay, Beng. Took me time to finish the list. I had an interesting time getting to know me. Here goes ---
Seven things that scare me
1. Flying cockroaches
2. Crawling cockroaches
3. Crossing a swinging bridge
4. Speeding vehicle (whether or not I am in it)
5. Falling off the stairs
6. Some responsibilities attached to this new job.
7. Sickness in the family
Seven things I like the most
1. Having good and honest conversation with friends over coffee
2. Getting together with old friends
3. Laughing and just being carefree (once in a while)
4. Buying stuff for my baby nephews
5. Reading a good book on an easy chair amid perfect lighting and nice music
6. Family conversations over lunch or dinner table
7. Moments of quiet, being with myself (a phrase I got from Oprah)
Seven important things in my room
1. My CD player/radio
2. My tv
3. My books
4. My collection of CDs and tapes
5. My pictures
6. Documents and records
7. My vanity table
Seven random facts about me
1. I don’t sing in the shower but I dance in front of the mirror.
2. I like jazz music
3. I don’t like scrambled eggs…always sunny side up
4. I like watching the rain, love its rhythm as it falls on the tin roof
(I love that line in Norah Jones' Come Away with Me)
5. Flowers over chocolates (but if it has almonds…umm..ookay still flowers..)
6. I have a very poor sense of direction
7. I don’t like green mangoes
Seven things I plan to do before I die
1. Go to the Great Wall of China
2. Go to Greece
3. Go to Israel
4. Go to Egypt
5. Be (at least) half as great a cook as my mother
6. Learn to play the guitar and sing my own composition
7. Learn to dance the rumba, foxtrot or tango with someone I love
Seven things I can do
1. Sing
2. Dance
3. Stay in a bookstore for hours
4. Play a favorite song over and over and over again
5. Daydream while walking
6. Name a tune in just a few notes
7. Long distance walking (especially when I need to do some thinking)
Seven things I can’t do
1. Play any musical instrument
2. Draw
3. Kill a cockroach (..but if push comes to shove...)
4. Eat crabs (allergic!)
5. Put on eye make up
6. Drive
7. Act
Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex
1. The sound of his speaking voice (great singing voice, a bonus!)
2. The air of confidence and authority
3. A gentle demeanor
4. The color of his skin
5. Love for family
6. Good conversationalist
7. His love for God
Seven things I say the most
1. My gulay
2. Haller
3. My gosh
4. Fine
5. Ganen!?
6. Oh boy
7. Nge!
Seven celebrity crushes
1. Brad Pitt (no words can describe)
2. Andy Garcia (I can drown in the depths of his eyes)
3. Paolo Bediones (definitely one of the country's sexiest celebrities)
4. Pierce Brosnan (the sexy accent, ruggedly handsome)
5. David Letterman (the man is funny and witty)
6. Denzel Washington (handsome guy)
7. Richard Gere (oozing with sex appeal)
8. Billy Crystal (another funny and witty guy)
9. James Denton of Desperate Housewives (love the stubble)
10. Raymond Bagatsing (buti pa si Lara Fabregas**)
11.Piolo Pascual (ewan ko ba..type ko talaga siya)
Ooopps, sorry got carried away. The last list is the easiest to complete.
Seven things that scare me
1. Flying cockroaches
2. Crawling cockroaches
3. Crossing a swinging bridge
4. Speeding vehicle (whether or not I am in it)
5. Falling off the stairs
6. Some responsibilities attached to this new job.
7. Sickness in the family
Seven things I like the most
1. Having good and honest conversation with friends over coffee
2. Getting together with old friends
3. Laughing and just being carefree (once in a while)
4. Buying stuff for my baby nephews
5. Reading a good book on an easy chair amid perfect lighting and nice music
6. Family conversations over lunch or dinner table
7. Moments of quiet, being with myself (a phrase I got from Oprah)
Seven important things in my room
1. My CD player/radio
2. My tv
3. My books
4. My collection of CDs and tapes
5. My pictures
6. Documents and records
7. My vanity table
Seven random facts about me
1. I don’t sing in the shower but I dance in front of the mirror.
2. I like jazz music
3. I don’t like scrambled eggs…always sunny side up
4. I like watching the rain, love its rhythm as it falls on the tin roof
(I love that line in Norah Jones' Come Away with Me)
5. Flowers over chocolates (but if it has almonds…umm..ookay still flowers..)
6. I have a very poor sense of direction
7. I don’t like green mangoes
Seven things I plan to do before I die
1. Go to the Great Wall of China
2. Go to Greece
3. Go to Israel
4. Go to Egypt
5. Be (at least) half as great a cook as my mother
6. Learn to play the guitar and sing my own composition
7. Learn to dance the rumba, foxtrot or tango with someone I love
Seven things I can do
1. Sing
2. Dance
3. Stay in a bookstore for hours
4. Play a favorite song over and over and over again
5. Daydream while walking
6. Name a tune in just a few notes
7. Long distance walking (especially when I need to do some thinking)
Seven things I can’t do
1. Play any musical instrument
2. Draw
3. Kill a cockroach (..but if push comes to shove...)
4. Eat crabs (allergic!)
5. Put on eye make up
6. Drive
7. Act
Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex
1. The sound of his speaking voice (great singing voice, a bonus!)
2. The air of confidence and authority
3. A gentle demeanor
4. The color of his skin
5. Love for family
6. Good conversationalist
7. His love for God
Seven things I say the most
1. My gulay
2. Haller
3. My gosh
4. Fine
5. Ganen!?
6. Oh boy
7. Nge!
Seven celebrity crushes
1. Brad Pitt (no words can describe)
2. Andy Garcia (I can drown in the depths of his eyes)
3. Paolo Bediones (definitely one of the country's sexiest celebrities)
4. Pierce Brosnan (the sexy accent, ruggedly handsome)
5. David Letterman (the man is funny and witty)
6. Denzel Washington (handsome guy)
7. Richard Gere (oozing with sex appeal)
8. Billy Crystal (another funny and witty guy)
9. James Denton of Desperate Housewives (love the stubble)
10. Raymond Bagatsing (buti pa si Lara Fabregas**)
11.Piolo Pascual (ewan ko ba..type ko talaga siya)
Ooopps, sorry got carried away. The last list is the easiest to complete.
__________
*I was reminded that they have separated. Well, she does have memories of waking up next to Raymond Bagatsing.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
A morning waker upper
“Hi. How are you?” says the text message I got one morning. It is a new number.
I reply. “Hi. Sorry. You seem to have changed your number. May I know who this is please.”
Seconds later, “Well, I used to have a crush on you but not anymore because I am a married man. Remember now?”
Uh oh. I still can’t. A lot of my male friends are married and (modesty aside), I recall some of them taking a fancy to me. I smiled to myself.
“There are several of you. Hahahaha” was my reply.
“You haven’t changed. Same sense of humor and confidence. So how are you?”
“I still need to know who this is first please.” I asked.
“Hint……” He gave me a list of unrelated things. A cake, a bag, a blouse, etc
“So you get it now?” he asks again.
Oh no! I still can’t. I thought to myself. Did he give me these stuff? I can recall this guy giving me a blouse years ago. But the rest he mentioned, I have no recollection.
And I wanted him to tell me…Why can’t he just tell me who he is?
I had to stop the guessing game. “I am sorry, I really can’t recall.”
Oh I hope I don’t offend him. Minutes passed. I got worried. I think I offended him. Finally, I decide to call a friend who I believe has the most updated list of phone numbers. I ask if she knows the phone number. So, I was right. It was the guy who gave me the blouse.
Then I got another message.
“You must have forgotten already. Anyway, that was a long time ago.”
So then I sent a reply. “If it is that black blouse..it is Al, right? But I would have remembered if you gave me a bag. Maybe you gave Rose that bag when you were courting her. Tsk tsk you are getting your gifts mixed up. Hehehe”
Al, Rose and I used to kid a lot about those times when Al was ‘befriending’ me then a year or two later, transferred his affection to Rose and then when we were all working, he decides to pursue me again. Now he is married to Elly, a very nice lady whom I met in Baguio. Funny how things happen. I met Elly long before Al met her.
Then he replied. “Nope. I gave you a bag. Those memories I retain. Hehehe”
Then for a few more minutes we continued to exchange messages, giving updates on each other’s lives. I haven’t seen this guy and his wife in a while. I realize, I miss the company of these people. Maybe it is time to set aside time and get together, stir up parts of the past and laugh about them.
I reply. “Hi. Sorry. You seem to have changed your number. May I know who this is please.”
Seconds later, “Well, I used to have a crush on you but not anymore because I am a married man. Remember now?”
Uh oh. I still can’t. A lot of my male friends are married and (modesty aside), I recall some of them taking a fancy to me. I smiled to myself.
“There are several of you. Hahahaha” was my reply.
“You haven’t changed. Same sense of humor and confidence. So how are you?”
“I still need to know who this is first please.” I asked.
“Hint……” He gave me a list of unrelated things. A cake, a bag, a blouse, etc
“So you get it now?” he asks again.
Oh no! I still can’t. I thought to myself. Did he give me these stuff? I can recall this guy giving me a blouse years ago. But the rest he mentioned, I have no recollection.
And I wanted him to tell me…Why can’t he just tell me who he is?
I had to stop the guessing game. “I am sorry, I really can’t recall.”
Oh I hope I don’t offend him. Minutes passed. I got worried. I think I offended him. Finally, I decide to call a friend who I believe has the most updated list of phone numbers. I ask if she knows the phone number. So, I was right. It was the guy who gave me the blouse.
Then I got another message.
“You must have forgotten already. Anyway, that was a long time ago.”
So then I sent a reply. “If it is that black blouse..it is Al, right? But I would have remembered if you gave me a bag. Maybe you gave Rose that bag when you were courting her. Tsk tsk you are getting your gifts mixed up. Hehehe”
Al, Rose and I used to kid a lot about those times when Al was ‘befriending’ me then a year or two later, transferred his affection to Rose and then when we were all working, he decides to pursue me again. Now he is married to Elly, a very nice lady whom I met in Baguio. Funny how things happen. I met Elly long before Al met her.
Then he replied. “Nope. I gave you a bag. Those memories I retain. Hehehe”
Then for a few more minutes we continued to exchange messages, giving updates on each other’s lives. I haven’t seen this guy and his wife in a while. I realize, I miss the company of these people. Maybe it is time to set aside time and get together, stir up parts of the past and laugh about them.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
More than a thousand words
Yesterday is orientation day. I spend a little over an hour with each team manager of the Estimates group to help me understand the entire work process. As one coming from the commercial side of the company’s business, I found the production (the backend) side interesting. The entire walk though requires me to hop from one workstation to the next as each one shows me what they do and how each unit impacts the other.
The orientation enabled me to learn a bit about what they do but I think I got a little more than that.
I got glimpses of who they are and what they value.
Their desks, walls and dividers are heaving with photos of loved ones, each nook and cranny stocked with mementos.
I know that Ellen is married to a cute husband and has an adorable baby boy. Mon loves to travel, met former President Aquino and is quite close to his family. I think the other photo is his girlfriend. Julie on the other hand, has two kids, a pretty little girl (around three) and a baby boy. Her little girl probably loves Dora the explorer and Winnie the Pooh.
Rey’s desk gave me the most telling picture. He has a girlfriend (a colleague from another department), graduated from one of the oldest institutions in the country , a member of the university’s basketball team, and has two beautiful dogs. On the left side of his cubicle shows pictures of pretty models/celebrities. (I only recognize Elizabeth Hurley). Atop his 21-inch monitor is a photo of his significant other and pictures of his two dogs. He loves the movie League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. On the long side table are two basketballs serving as his centerpiece.
I tried to recall the other stuff I saw on their desks but there are just too many. Suffice to say, their workspaces have become an extension of home, a window deliberately opened so that people from outside looking in (like myself) can take a peek inside their private world.
Having moved to a new work area, I have been thinking about how I can spruce up my space. I have misgivings about putting a lot of personal stuff on my desk though. It has always been that way for me. I guess it is symbolic of how I prefer to keep my personal life separate from work. And I can’t recall ever bringing home anything work related (that is why company-provided laptops do not excite me).
I am not much into pictures or some fancy table ornament on my office desk. The only photos I considered displaying are those of my two baby nephews, 2-year old Yui and and one year old Johann. I am absolutely in love with these two boys. Crazy I may be about them, the most I could do is to use their pictures as my screen saver. Other than Yui and Johann, pictures of loved ones (even a significant other) are displayed in my bedroom or yes, my wallet.
Bottomline, some aspects of my private life, I prefer to keep closer to my heart. I do excitedly open myself up to people and share my private side not in symbols or pictures but with stories I share.
A desk calendar, pen holder. Those are two accessories on my desk. The rest I keep in my drawer. One look around my work area, I know just the right thing to add.
A flower plant. Sunflower would be perfect. Right by the sun-kissed glass window.
The orientation enabled me to learn a bit about what they do but I think I got a little more than that.
I got glimpses of who they are and what they value.
Their desks, walls and dividers are heaving with photos of loved ones, each nook and cranny stocked with mementos.
I know that Ellen is married to a cute husband and has an adorable baby boy. Mon loves to travel, met former President Aquino and is quite close to his family. I think the other photo is his girlfriend. Julie on the other hand, has two kids, a pretty little girl (around three) and a baby boy. Her little girl probably loves Dora the explorer and Winnie the Pooh.
Rey’s desk gave me the most telling picture. He has a girlfriend (a colleague from another department), graduated from one of the oldest institutions in the country , a member of the university’s basketball team, and has two beautiful dogs. On the left side of his cubicle shows pictures of pretty models/celebrities. (I only recognize Elizabeth Hurley). Atop his 21-inch monitor is a photo of his significant other and pictures of his two dogs. He loves the movie League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. On the long side table are two basketballs serving as his centerpiece.
I tried to recall the other stuff I saw on their desks but there are just too many. Suffice to say, their workspaces have become an extension of home, a window deliberately opened so that people from outside looking in (like myself) can take a peek inside their private world.
Having moved to a new work area, I have been thinking about how I can spruce up my space. I have misgivings about putting a lot of personal stuff on my desk though. It has always been that way for me. I guess it is symbolic of how I prefer to keep my personal life separate from work. And I can’t recall ever bringing home anything work related (that is why company-provided laptops do not excite me).
I am not much into pictures or some fancy table ornament on my office desk. The only photos I considered displaying are those of my two baby nephews, 2-year old Yui and and one year old Johann. I am absolutely in love with these two boys. Crazy I may be about them, the most I could do is to use their pictures as my screen saver. Other than Yui and Johann, pictures of loved ones (even a significant other) are displayed in my bedroom or yes, my wallet.
Bottomline, some aspects of my private life, I prefer to keep closer to my heart. I do excitedly open myself up to people and share my private side not in symbols or pictures but with stories I share.
A desk calendar, pen holder. Those are two accessories on my desk. The rest I keep in my drawer. One look around my work area, I know just the right thing to add.
A flower plant. Sunflower would be perfect. Right by the sun-kissed glass window.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
After the third day
I deliberately delayed making an entry about the saga on my new work area, my room. From the moment I agreed to share the room (weeks before i officially joined the team), I see a constantly evolving layout which confuse not just the Admin and TechOps people but most of all, me.
Monday, I learn that my supposed room mate changed her mind and would rather stay in her current area. (but it was her idea in the first place!). Tuesday, I was advised that I get the room to myself. Wednesday morning, I get an email that some other person will share my space.
Check out the email from the Group Head, addressed to me and our admin manager:
“Hope you don't mind another change of heart. Can you please hold off the re-arrangement of Drifter’s room? Chris (Instead of Mia) will be occupying the room. This is a temporary arrangement until Dec-Jan 2006 when the IFRS** peak is over.
Drifter, apologies for imposing on you again but I believe this tandem will have more value because you will be learning IFRS together with Chris.
Chris... maybe you can include Drifter in your calls with Gary and Maria.”
End of email.
Oohkaayy!
About an hour later, I see the TechOps guys wheeling a CPU, monitor and all other peripherals into the room. Whoa! That was quick. Doesn’t this usually take two to three days?
Where do we place the printer? The phone lines? You need two phone lines? Oh the cables will show?..Maybe we can put a tape so you wont trip on them? Oh but there is no port here.. The other phone line may take three days to set up. And on and on and on.
My former finance team mate and good friend, Lito helped me rearrange the furniture around so that I can maximize my space and be more comfortable.
One final look…Hmm ..Okay, I am satisfied. That is it.. I hope this is final. I don’t want to think about this anymore.
This is temporary I was told, but I doubt it. And at this point, it didn’t matter.
The new room mate is a nice guy. Chris. Well mannered and I like the sound of his voice. He is one of the Senior Team Managers of the group I will be supporting. Now, I have someone to talk to. And he helped me get the files that I would need. He is almost a vegetarian, goes to the gym and likes music. I think we will get along. (Yep, I learned all that from him in half an hour)
Do you smoke? He asks.
Nope, I don’t... Uh oh.
That is the minor thing I need to deal with, every so often, the room gets this faint scent of cigarette.
This morning, I receive a very apt text message from an angel. I got this seconds after I read the email from Jovy, the Group Head. Lifted from the Book of Psalms:
“I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul like a weaned child with its mother. Like a weaned child is my soul within me…”
I can really quiet myself in God’s secure presence. I clean up my desk and ready myself for home. I give my see you tomorrow! line to Chris with a smile.
It is all good.
_____________________
**International Financial Reporting Standards
Monday, I learn that my supposed room mate changed her mind and would rather stay in her current area. (but it was her idea in the first place!). Tuesday, I was advised that I get the room to myself. Wednesday morning, I get an email that some other person will share my space.
Check out the email from the Group Head, addressed to me and our admin manager:
“Hope you don't mind another change of heart. Can you please hold off the re-arrangement of Drifter’s room? Chris (Instead of Mia) will be occupying the room. This is a temporary arrangement until Dec-Jan 2006 when the IFRS** peak is over.
Drifter, apologies for imposing on you again but I believe this tandem will have more value because you will be learning IFRS together with Chris.
Chris... maybe you can include Drifter in your calls with Gary and Maria.”
End of email.
Oohkaayy!
About an hour later, I see the TechOps guys wheeling a CPU, monitor and all other peripherals into the room. Whoa! That was quick. Doesn’t this usually take two to three days?
Where do we place the printer? The phone lines? You need two phone lines? Oh the cables will show?..Maybe we can put a tape so you wont trip on them? Oh but there is no port here.. The other phone line may take three days to set up. And on and on and on.
My former finance team mate and good friend, Lito helped me rearrange the furniture around so that I can maximize my space and be more comfortable.
One final look…Hmm ..Okay, I am satisfied. That is it.. I hope this is final. I don’t want to think about this anymore.
This is temporary I was told, but I doubt it. And at this point, it didn’t matter.
The new room mate is a nice guy. Chris. Well mannered and I like the sound of his voice. He is one of the Senior Team Managers of the group I will be supporting. Now, I have someone to talk to. And he helped me get the files that I would need. He is almost a vegetarian, goes to the gym and likes music. I think we will get along. (Yep, I learned all that from him in half an hour)
Do you smoke? He asks.
Nope, I don’t... Uh oh.
That is the minor thing I need to deal with, every so often, the room gets this faint scent of cigarette.
This morning, I receive a very apt text message from an angel. I got this seconds after I read the email from Jovy, the Group Head. Lifted from the Book of Psalms:
“I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul like a weaned child with its mother. Like a weaned child is my soul within me…”
I can really quiet myself in God’s secure presence. I clean up my desk and ready myself for home. I give my see you tomorrow! line to Chris with a smile.
It is all good.
_____________________
**International Financial Reporting Standards
My Brad
Last night, I dreamt I was married to Brad Pitt!! Beat that!! And my dream was in full color. I remember the color of shirt he was wearing. In my dream, he is so sweet and caring. Nope. No X-rated scenes in my dream. Quite wholesome. He was just smiling and looking at me. Wahuu!
Then, Angelina Jolie was there. I remember her blue, figure forming dress.
But my Brad didn't pay any attention to her. Sorry Jennifer A.
I got the better one.
Then, I wake up. Reluctantly.
Then, Angelina Jolie was there. I remember her blue, figure forming dress.
But my Brad didn't pay any attention to her. Sorry Jennifer A.
I got the better one.
Then, I wake up. Reluctantly.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Choices, risks and relationships
Recently, I had this contentious discussion with a friend about his take on attached women whom he finds appealing. He was candid enough to admit that there are occasions where he would search for means to express his interest on the girl to find out if he stands a chance. We had quite a lengthy discussion on a guy’s attempts to poach on someone’s preserves. (The discussion was especially difficult because we were talking via SMS!)
We actually had one lady in mind, a pretty colleague of his who happens to be attached. He has had this crush on her the moment he laid eyes on her. Out of sheer curiosity, I asked him what he would do if he finds out that the girl finds him attractive as well. He says, he would try to see if it is possible to ask her out, boyfriend notwithstanding. His response is what, I believe, typically male although there are guys who might say otherwise, having firm belief on disengaging from such complicated set up.
His message goes something like this --Some women are afraid of being alone that is why my attempt to ask her out is a message that I am option to take in case she is unhappy with the current boyfriend. I thought to myself, this is so chauvinistic and calculating!
I wonder, how many women are in relationships right now just because there is no one else in the horizon?. and how many men are in similar predicament? I am in no position to make judgments on the choices people make. We all have our own measures of what makes us happy in a relationship. Is settling so bad? Or is waiting for the right person worth it? Would I rather be with someone that I am not passionately committed to than spend my Valentine’s days on my own? Is it so bad to stick it out with a boyfriend yet still keeping your eyes open for other possibilities? Would ending a so-so relationship and facing an uncertain future unattached be worth the risk? When men present themselves as an option, what do they actually mean? How can you tell if the bold move of a guy towards a girl to make his presence felt is a mere passing fancy, a test of machismo, an egotistical whim to add to his conquests, a genuine desire to know the girl of his liking or an offer of something better and lasting? So many questions…
I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over.
I want to know right now, what would it be?
I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over
Will it be yes or will it be..
Sorry?
A song by Paula Cole of the Dawson’s Creek fame. This song made me see my friend’s point of view. I am all for expressing your feelings for someone rather than keeping it to yourself. In that regard, I support his move to let this lady know how much he likes her. I do have reservations on some of his viewpoints which I’d rather not expound on.
It is not far fetched that the lady might like him too. It is not a crime to find someone attractive other than your boyfriend. It is not uncommon to have other male friends that you’d like to hang with once in a while, a little space in the relationship wouldn’t hurt. And I suppose having other male friends would allow any girl to gauge his level of commitment to her man. He says, If the girl is really happy with the current relationship then all she has to do is say ‘No’ to his advances. Ahh, the game men and women play. And I must say, I admire my friend for his honesty. And if painted a picture of an unfeeling guy, that would be far from the truth. He is a nice person and I believe, takes his commitments seriously. It will just be a matter of time until he finds that someone.
Bottomline, being in a relationship is a risk. It is step of faith in the person you choose to commit to. One day, you might meet someone else you are extremely drawn to. At such time, it will be wise to remember why you chose to be in your current relationship.
And yes, being out of a committed relationship is a risk as well. It makes you vulnerable to a lot of judgments and questions from a society where being single and unattached sticks out like a sore thumb.
We actually had one lady in mind, a pretty colleague of his who happens to be attached. He has had this crush on her the moment he laid eyes on her. Out of sheer curiosity, I asked him what he would do if he finds out that the girl finds him attractive as well. He says, he would try to see if it is possible to ask her out, boyfriend notwithstanding. His response is what, I believe, typically male although there are guys who might say otherwise, having firm belief on disengaging from such complicated set up.
His message goes something like this --Some women are afraid of being alone that is why my attempt to ask her out is a message that I am option to take in case she is unhappy with the current boyfriend. I thought to myself, this is so chauvinistic and calculating!
I wonder, how many women are in relationships right now just because there is no one else in the horizon?. and how many men are in similar predicament? I am in no position to make judgments on the choices people make. We all have our own measures of what makes us happy in a relationship. Is settling so bad? Or is waiting for the right person worth it? Would I rather be with someone that I am not passionately committed to than spend my Valentine’s days on my own? Is it so bad to stick it out with a boyfriend yet still keeping your eyes open for other possibilities? Would ending a so-so relationship and facing an uncertain future unattached be worth the risk? When men present themselves as an option, what do they actually mean? How can you tell if the bold move of a guy towards a girl to make his presence felt is a mere passing fancy, a test of machismo, an egotistical whim to add to his conquests, a genuine desire to know the girl of his liking or an offer of something better and lasting? So many questions…
I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over.
I want to know right now, what would it be?
I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over
Will it be yes or will it be..
Sorry?
A song by Paula Cole of the Dawson’s Creek fame. This song made me see my friend’s point of view. I am all for expressing your feelings for someone rather than keeping it to yourself. In that regard, I support his move to let this lady know how much he likes her. I do have reservations on some of his viewpoints which I’d rather not expound on.
It is not far fetched that the lady might like him too. It is not a crime to find someone attractive other than your boyfriend. It is not uncommon to have other male friends that you’d like to hang with once in a while, a little space in the relationship wouldn’t hurt. And I suppose having other male friends would allow any girl to gauge his level of commitment to her man. He says, If the girl is really happy with the current relationship then all she has to do is say ‘No’ to his advances. Ahh, the game men and women play. And I must say, I admire my friend for his honesty. And if painted a picture of an unfeeling guy, that would be far from the truth. He is a nice person and I believe, takes his commitments seriously. It will just be a matter of time until he finds that someone.
Bottomline, being in a relationship is a risk. It is step of faith in the person you choose to commit to. One day, you might meet someone else you are extremely drawn to. At such time, it will be wise to remember why you chose to be in your current relationship.
And yes, being out of a committed relationship is a risk as well. It makes you vulnerable to a lot of judgments and questions from a society where being single and unattached sticks out like a sore thumb.
Friday, August 05, 2005
What a disturbing call..
The sound of my phone ringing pulled me out of my reverie. (yea, office hours and my mind is off somewhere…)
"Hey, It’s me….” Says the lady on the other line. It’s Etta, our supervisor who resigned weeks ago.
She didn’t mince words. “Do you like to go back to the investor relations type of job?”
“Huh?” Is she about to do something that I think she is about to do?
“I know that you have such experience. This is managerial post that I know fits your skill set.”
She went on and on about the requirements that she knows I possess. I t hink it is the type of work that I used to have. Financial analysis and reporting, investor relations management. I believe she said that she is now working for a multinational bank. But she hesitates to give me the name. I insisted, she relents. Ahh. Good company.
I tried giving her names of some current and ex employees of our company and rattled about their qualifications, a deliberate attempt to veer her away from moi.
“What about you?” she insisted. “You have the comprehensive resume that we require.”
“I am just about to move to another job, as you know.”
“How much?”. Whoa.
I didn’t say a word. I am about to update my resume and will send her next week, I said.
“Ah, but you are hesitating. You are not really interested.” she dared.
“Well, you barely gave me a background of the job.”
She attempts to enlighten me further but i wasn't satisfied. I don't think she is familiar with the job she mentions. Maybe she is calling in behalf of someone.
I ask, “if I give my resume and be scheduled for an interview, who would interview me.?”
“HR would go first of course” she replies.
I thought, I could have that interview with HR so I can get a clearer idea of the job she can't fully describe. It felt weird because she wanted me to say “Yes!” to something I vaguely understand.
So again I say, “ I will update my resume next week.”
She gives me her email address. What do you know, she gives me her yahoo address…Hmmm..
Finally, I ask the all-important question.
“Do you know to whom this post will report to?”
“To me.” Ahh…Good company. Possibly handsome pay. Do I want to work with her? Be directly under her supervision? How come she can't manage a clear description of the job?
A handsome pay alone does not a happy employee make. That much i know.
I must say, that call was a break off a humdrum Friday at the office.
"Hey, It’s me….” Says the lady on the other line. It’s Etta, our supervisor who resigned weeks ago.
She didn’t mince words. “Do you like to go back to the investor relations type of job?”
“Huh?” Is she about to do something that I think she is about to do?
“I know that you have such experience. This is managerial post that I know fits your skill set.”
She went on and on about the requirements that she knows I possess. I t hink it is the type of work that I used to have. Financial analysis and reporting, investor relations management. I believe she said that she is now working for a multinational bank. But she hesitates to give me the name. I insisted, she relents. Ahh. Good company.
I tried giving her names of some current and ex employees of our company and rattled about their qualifications, a deliberate attempt to veer her away from moi.
“What about you?” she insisted. “You have the comprehensive resume that we require.”
“I am just about to move to another job, as you know.”
“How much?”. Whoa.
I didn’t say a word. I am about to update my resume and will send her next week, I said.
“Ah, but you are hesitating. You are not really interested.” she dared.
“Well, you barely gave me a background of the job.”
She attempts to enlighten me further but i wasn't satisfied. I don't think she is familiar with the job she mentions. Maybe she is calling in behalf of someone.
I ask, “if I give my resume and be scheduled for an interview, who would interview me.?”
“HR would go first of course” she replies.
I thought, I could have that interview with HR so I can get a clearer idea of the job she can't fully describe. It felt weird because she wanted me to say “Yes!” to something I vaguely understand.
So again I say, “ I will update my resume next week.”
She gives me her email address. What do you know, she gives me her yahoo address…Hmmm..
Finally, I ask the all-important question.
“Do you know to whom this post will report to?”
“To me.” Ahh…Good company. Possibly handsome pay. Do I want to work with her? Be directly under her supervision? How come she can't manage a clear description of the job?
A handsome pay alone does not a happy employee make. That much i know.
I must say, that call was a break off a humdrum Friday at the office.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Pensive me
Let me just share the lyrics of a song by Nickelcreek, Hanging by a thread. If I were to change the title, I’d make it Ironic.
Check out an excerpt of the song:
There is a kind of emptiness that can fill you.
There’s a kind of hunger that can eat you up.
There’s a cold and darker side of the moonlight.
And there is a lonely side of love.
There is a certain kind of pain that can numb you.
There’s a type of freedom that can tie you down.
Sometimes the unexplained can define you.
And sometimes silence is the only sound.
And a kind of weakness that gives you strength
There is a kind of rush that lingers
A kind of waiting you wish won't end.
There is a certain type of quiet that can be heard.
And a certain stillness that moves you further.
There is certain kind of shout you can only whisper.
And a certain gentle tug you must surrender.
Check out an excerpt of the song:
There is a kind of emptiness that can fill you.
There’s a kind of hunger that can eat you up.
There’s a cold and darker side of the moonlight.
And there is a lonely side of love.
There is a certain kind of pain that can numb you.
There’s a type of freedom that can tie you down.
Sometimes the unexplained can define you.
And sometimes silence is the only sound.
Profound lyrics, huh? Now, let me add some words of my own:
There is a kind of poverty that brings you richesAnd a kind of weakness that gives you strength
There is a kind of rush that lingers
A kind of waiting you wish won't end.
There is a certain type of quiet that can be heard.
And a certain stillness that moves you further.
There is certain kind of shout you can only whisper.
And a certain gentle tug you must surrender.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Let me do this...please
If I were taking a test on patience, I wonder if I make the grade. At the risk of sounding, condescending, I believe I have been patient enough with this turnover process. I believe i have explained the reports well enough. But I don’t know. Maybe not.
Right this moment, the person taking over my workload is working on my computer, finishing a report that one of our bosses in HK is waiting for. Oh yeah. A few seconds ago, he made his third follow up call! I admit, it would have been easier if made the report myself but I can imagine how much queires I will get from her next month if she doesn’t do the report herself right now. So, this is the trade off. I feel I need to wait for her to finish while risking the ire of our boss.
So I decide to busy my hands by making this entry because my patience is almost wearing thin. I am almost overcome with frustration. I must make my own distractions. Otherwise...
The past days, I stay late and work closely with her, while trying so hard not to pressure her with the timeline. These past few days I constantly remind her of the deadlines, of the emails she is getting, the stuff she needs to look at, all the things a responsible, concerned employee who is leaving in a weeks time, must do.
Sometimes, I feel that she gets my explanations right and notes the items I highlight. But hours before submission, I doubt if connected with her at all.
The boss has called up thrice but she is sooo cool about it. That should be good, right? I mean, to be cool while knowing your boss is waiting for that report. Honestly, I hope she panics, even just a tiny bit. Or maybe because I do the panicking.
I tell her never mind the small amounts that is eating up her time just to tie up. But she ignores me completely! What is a girl to do?
The phone rings again and I let her pick up the phone to explain. She said fifteen minutes and you know what? Quarter of an hour has passed and she is still figuring out some little variance!
I try to calm myself. Okay, from her side of the universe, it must be tough absorbing all those information given a quick turnaround time. And she is working hard and painstakingly checks line by line by line. (She even corrects some of the figures i did from last month's report!).. So I soften a bit and finish this entry.
But I have decided on one thing…I will leave in 15 minutes. And I will make sure she submits before that.
There, my ranting stops. A tide of guilt comes in. Oh well, these feelings come with the territory.
Then it dawned on me, before this month ends I will be where she is right now, a neophyte trying to take in all sorts of information from someone who can do the job with her eyes closed.
Yikes!
Right this moment, the person taking over my workload is working on my computer, finishing a report that one of our bosses in HK is waiting for. Oh yeah. A few seconds ago, he made his third follow up call! I admit, it would have been easier if made the report myself but I can imagine how much queires I will get from her next month if she doesn’t do the report herself right now. So, this is the trade off. I feel I need to wait for her to finish while risking the ire of our boss.
So I decide to busy my hands by making this entry because my patience is almost wearing thin. I am almost overcome with frustration. I must make my own distractions. Otherwise...
The past days, I stay late and work closely with her, while trying so hard not to pressure her with the timeline. These past few days I constantly remind her of the deadlines, of the emails she is getting, the stuff she needs to look at, all the things a responsible, concerned employee who is leaving in a weeks time, must do.
Sometimes, I feel that she gets my explanations right and notes the items I highlight. But hours before submission, I doubt if connected with her at all.
The boss has called up thrice but she is sooo cool about it. That should be good, right? I mean, to be cool while knowing your boss is waiting for that report. Honestly, I hope she panics, even just a tiny bit. Or maybe because I do the panicking.
I tell her never mind the small amounts that is eating up her time just to tie up. But she ignores me completely! What is a girl to do?
The phone rings again and I let her pick up the phone to explain. She said fifteen minutes and you know what? Quarter of an hour has passed and she is still figuring out some little variance!
I try to calm myself. Okay, from her side of the universe, it must be tough absorbing all those information given a quick turnaround time. And she is working hard and painstakingly checks line by line by line. (She even corrects some of the figures i did from last month's report!).. So I soften a bit and finish this entry.
But I have decided on one thing…I will leave in 15 minutes. And I will make sure she submits before that.
There, my ranting stops. A tide of guilt comes in. Oh well, these feelings come with the territory.
Then it dawned on me, before this month ends I will be where she is right now, a neophyte trying to take in all sorts of information from someone who can do the job with her eyes closed.
Yikes!
Monday, August 01, 2005
Color me
When it comes to clothes, I love playing with colors. Thankfully, my skin tone allows me freedom to wear almost any shade I feel like wearing. I have the standard black, gray and navy blue blazers but I also have pink and yellow green suits neatly tucked away somewhere inside my cabinet. Tucked away? Because I haven’t worn them in three years!! (But they still fit me, hahaha. I needed to say that). A peek inside my closet reveals tops of varying hues and shades as well.
Alas! Poor colors have stereotypes: red is assigned to anger or passion even love while green is hope. Innocence and purity are unanimously given the color white . Black is assigned to grief or darkness. (if colors could talk, I think black will shout the loudest protest.) Pink is said to be love, fragility, femininity while blue is peace. Yellow is happiness. Purple is royalty. Orange is intelligence. The list is endless.
When I am in my spirits, I wear the brightest of colors to reflect the mood but when I am feeling the blues, my clothes would echo what’s inside. A lot of times though, I make a deliberate move to wear the color that is opposed to my emotions. Call it pretense, I call it privacy.
My inner world wears a gamut of colors as well. Its meanings defined by a dictionary all its own.
Today my inner world wears a certain color that I had the day before and the day prior, the day before that and even the day before that. On occasions, I try to don a different hue but find myself wearing this color again. I guess I have the freedom and the right to wear it without any explanation. (well, because I couldn’t give any). How long will I be wearing this color? I am not sure. I hope it can be sooner than later. In the meantime, let me wear it , making sure it doesn’t get the better of me. (fine, occasionally i let the my control slip)
Each day, my outer clothes carry varied hues but let me wear a hue of my own inside.
Call it pretense. I call it privacy.
Alas! Poor colors have stereotypes: red is assigned to anger or passion even love while green is hope. Innocence and purity are unanimously given the color white . Black is assigned to grief or darkness. (if colors could talk, I think black will shout the loudest protest.) Pink is said to be love, fragility, femininity while blue is peace. Yellow is happiness. Purple is royalty. Orange is intelligence. The list is endless.
When I am in my spirits, I wear the brightest of colors to reflect the mood but when I am feeling the blues, my clothes would echo what’s inside. A lot of times though, I make a deliberate move to wear the color that is opposed to my emotions. Call it pretense, I call it privacy.
My inner world wears a gamut of colors as well. Its meanings defined by a dictionary all its own.
Today my inner world wears a certain color that I had the day before and the day prior, the day before that and even the day before that. On occasions, I try to don a different hue but find myself wearing this color again. I guess I have the freedom and the right to wear it without any explanation. (well, because I couldn’t give any). How long will I be wearing this color? I am not sure. I hope it can be sooner than later. In the meantime, let me wear it , making sure it doesn’t get the better of me. (fine, occasionally i let the my control slip)
Each day, my outer clothes carry varied hues but let me wear a hue of my own inside.
Call it pretense. I call it privacy.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Out of the fire, into what?
“Yeah, you should be more than happy as you have done too many cycle in the past few years.”
This is the reply I got from Ming, one of our Regional Management Accountants when I told him that I am very excited about my new job.
I suppose this is the politically correct way of saying “You have stayed long enough in your current job. “ or worse, “How can you stay too long in your current job?” I chuckled.
About an hour prior to this email, I had a brief chat with the group manager of the new team that I will be closely working with. I know I will be writing a lot about her going forward so let me call her, Jovy.
She wanted to speak with me because of some, believe it or not, admin matters. It appears that someone wants to share in the room that I will be occupying. The manager wanted my take on that. “Is it okay to have two desks in a room made for one?” , I thought to myself.
Apparently, this person has been complaining about her work area and bugging Jovy for a more private space. I quite understand her situation so what should someone like me, barely joining the team, do?
This lady’s reputation precedes her, actually. I have heard stories from some colleagues about her. They tell me she has an attitude. But having no first hand encounters, I choose to keep an open mind.
Finally, we meet. Let me call her Mia.
First impression: Very strong willed , quite confident. It ends there. As I said, I choose to keep an open mind. Besides, if we will be sharing that corner, I must aim to like her.
Colin, the one who gave me a heads up on the job vacancy says the people in my “new” division are quite possessive of their “turf”. They take pride in knowing that they “deliver” the products and liaise with the clients. I am the considered an “outsider”, coming from the support group, working ONLY with internal clients. Hmmm.
I will take my colleagues’ unsolicited advise (well-meaning or otherwise) with a grain of salt. Meantime, after this painfully slow handover process with my replacement, I must begin my paradigm shift and brace myself for the bumps that come with change. Buckle up!
This is the reply I got from Ming, one of our Regional Management Accountants when I told him that I am very excited about my new job.
I suppose this is the politically correct way of saying “You have stayed long enough in your current job. “ or worse, “How can you stay too long in your current job?” I chuckled.
About an hour prior to this email, I had a brief chat with the group manager of the new team that I will be closely working with. I know I will be writing a lot about her going forward so let me call her, Jovy.
She wanted to speak with me because of some, believe it or not, admin matters. It appears that someone wants to share in the room that I will be occupying. The manager wanted my take on that. “Is it okay to have two desks in a room made for one?” , I thought to myself.
Apparently, this person has been complaining about her work area and bugging Jovy for a more private space. I quite understand her situation so what should someone like me, barely joining the team, do?
This lady’s reputation precedes her, actually. I have heard stories from some colleagues about her. They tell me she has an attitude. But having no first hand encounters, I choose to keep an open mind.
Finally, we meet. Let me call her Mia.
First impression: Very strong willed , quite confident. It ends there. As I said, I choose to keep an open mind. Besides, if we will be sharing that corner, I must aim to like her.
Colin, the one who gave me a heads up on the job vacancy says the people in my “new” division are quite possessive of their “turf”. They take pride in knowing that they “deliver” the products and liaise with the clients. I am the considered an “outsider”, coming from the support group, working ONLY with internal clients. Hmmm.
I will take my colleagues’ unsolicited advise (well-meaning or otherwise) with a grain of salt. Meantime, after this painfully slow handover process with my replacement, I must begin my paradigm shift and brace myself for the bumps that come with change. Buckle up!
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
My mind adrift
Compliment what she does
Send her roses just because
If it's violin she wants
Let them play
So goes that old song* by James Ingram. The song attempts to teach a man 100 ways to woo his woman.
Heard this one over the radio – “In love, women are professionals and men are amateurs”. I don’t really know the context of this quote but maybe I should rephrase it with something like this -- In romance, women are professionals and men are amateurs.
I don’t know why I wrote this. I haven’t heard the song in a while but the song just keeps playing in my head. I thought, if i post this entry, maybe the music will stop ringing in my head.
*Title, what else? -- One Hundred Ways
Send her roses just because
If it's violin she wants
Let them play
So goes that old song* by James Ingram. The song attempts to teach a man 100 ways to woo his woman.
Heard this one over the radio – “In love, women are professionals and men are amateurs”. I don’t really know the context of this quote but maybe I should rephrase it with something like this -- In romance, women are professionals and men are amateurs.
I don’t know why I wrote this. I haven’t heard the song in a while but the song just keeps playing in my head. I thought, if i post this entry, maybe the music will stop ringing in my head.
*Title, what else? -- One Hundred Ways
Friday, July 22, 2005
Unwelcome reminder
I get this email message from our HR assistant :
“This is regarding your dependents enrolled under Intellicare, please drop by at HR anytime tomorrow for a brief discussion about the premium payment. Thanks”
I knit my brows. I already paid the extra premium payment because my father was over the age limit.
I approach her workstation and she explains. Long story short, our HMO changed the renewal date from 28 Feb to 01 April so I need to make extra premium payment for my father's health insurance to cover for the extra two months (that is 14 months’ until Mar 31, 2006). My heart felt like a ton of bricks so I had to let out an awkward laugh. Took me about ten seconds to find the words, hoping that the intentional delay would allow her to remember that there is no need for that extra payment. Then I quickly realized, she just joined the company and would probably not know about my dad.
So I tell her, “You see, my Dad died in May so....”.
She mumbled “Oh” and checked her list again. “Oh yeah..I will ask our provider's recommendation..”
I held back a reply. Instead I say, “ Ohkay. Let me know then. Thanks.’
I left in a huff towards the ladies room. My mood went downhill from there.
“This is regarding your dependents enrolled under Intellicare, please drop by at HR anytime tomorrow for a brief discussion about the premium payment. Thanks”
I knit my brows. I already paid the extra premium payment because my father was over the age limit.
I approach her workstation and she explains. Long story short, our HMO changed the renewal date from 28 Feb to 01 April so I need to make extra premium payment for my father's health insurance to cover for the extra two months (that is 14 months’ until Mar 31, 2006). My heart felt like a ton of bricks so I had to let out an awkward laugh. Took me about ten seconds to find the words, hoping that the intentional delay would allow her to remember that there is no need for that extra payment. Then I quickly realized, she just joined the company and would probably not know about my dad.
So I tell her, “You see, my Dad died in May so....”.
She mumbled “Oh” and checked her list again. “Oh yeah..I will ask our provider's recommendation..”
I held back a reply. Instead I say, “ Ohkay. Let me know then. Thanks.’
I left in a huff towards the ladies room. My mood went downhill from there.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Dreams and white elephant
| I enter this huge room. I remember the eerie feeling. At the center of the room is this imposing desk. A tall glass window to my right allows for little sunlight. It was a tall and huge window. I tiptoed just to get a peek through its panes. I believe I saw a view of Ayala Avenue, the Makati Central Business District’s main artery. People started coming in and out of the room. They hold a meeting in one corner of the room, completely ignoring me. I approach the big desk and I see this tiny, sleek laptop. I type something but couldn’t see anything on the monitor. I pick up the phone but the line was cut. I stand up and check another corner of the room where several wooden cabinets stand. There were lots of milk bottles. I was told that the previous owner of the room used to experiment a lot on milk. Huh? Then I wake up. Okay, so the night before, I watched Oprah give away laptops to her all-teacher audience. Okay, so the room I will be occupying next month is facing Ayala Avenue. I believe my apprehension has reached my subconscious mind. But what is up with the milk? I know that the guy who once held the post smokes a lot. But it was milk I saw, not cigarette butts. Across our building is a “breathtaking view” of this old, unfinished mammoth of a building, a white elephant spoiling the vista of the Makati skyline. One look at it gives me the creeps. |
Friday, July 15, 2005
In my mind's eye
Next month signals a move outside my circle of confidence. The new job is slightly off my supposed career track. This is a huge deal for someone who, a few years back, would have cringed at the thought of taking a drastic turn.
The idea scares me at times but life is about managing change and taking on challenges. ‘I wonder ifs’ fill my head. So what? No one is supposed to have all the right answers. That is God’s department.
Flashback several years. I was waiting for the HRs update on my application for the consulting group of this prominent auditing firm. Less than two weeks of waiting was too long for a neophyte in the corporate jungle. So, I made a hasty decision of requesting HR to pull out my application from the consulting group and forward instead to the audit group.
To this day, I wonder if that was a crucial fork in my career. Or maybe it was a good move because eventually, I was able work with the corporate finance department of another company. And yes, I was a newbie. It was okay to make mistakes. What’s that line? “It’s okay. I am young. My heart can take it.”
Yet, I feel, I am back where I started. At the back of my head wondering if this move will help my career in the long run.
I know that I want to leave my current post. I know that I still like working for this company. Taking on this job seems to be most logical step to take. Did I just make a decision based on the process of elimination? No. This new post is manna from heaven. God’s provision at the right time. The fruit of months of constant prayers.
So let me just take my steps as far as what He allows me to see. I can’t know it all. That is God’s expertise. And that more than works for me.
“No eye has seen. No ear has heard. No mind has known what God has in store…”
The idea scares me at times but life is about managing change and taking on challenges. ‘I wonder ifs’ fill my head. So what? No one is supposed to have all the right answers. That is God’s department.
Flashback several years. I was waiting for the HRs update on my application for the consulting group of this prominent auditing firm. Less than two weeks of waiting was too long for a neophyte in the corporate jungle. So, I made a hasty decision of requesting HR to pull out my application from the consulting group and forward instead to the audit group.
To this day, I wonder if that was a crucial fork in my career. Or maybe it was a good move because eventually, I was able work with the corporate finance department of another company. And yes, I was a newbie. It was okay to make mistakes. What’s that line? “It’s okay. I am young. My heart can take it.”
Yet, I feel, I am back where I started. At the back of my head wondering if this move will help my career in the long run.
I know that I want to leave my current post. I know that I still like working for this company. Taking on this job seems to be most logical step to take. Did I just make a decision based on the process of elimination? No. This new post is manna from heaven. God’s provision at the right time. The fruit of months of constant prayers.
So let me just take my steps as far as what He allows me to see. I can’t know it all. That is God’s expertise. And that more than works for me.
“No eye has seen. No ear has heard. No mind has known what God has in store…”
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Quotes
"Even to see her across the room is liberal education."-- C. S. Lewis
Love makes mute of those who habitually speak.*
Two quotes. One on attraction, the other, on that thing called love. I read the quotes again and I can't help but smile and say to myself…."It has been awhile…..quite."
*I have to research on where this came from. My guess is, he/she loves to talk until someone silenced him/her.
Love makes mute of those who habitually speak.*
Two quotes. One on attraction, the other, on that thing called love. I read the quotes again and I can't help but smile and say to myself…."It has been awhile…..quite."
*I have to research on where this came from. My guess is, he/she loves to talk until someone silenced him/her.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Half a million pesos richer
I was watching this game show that has a pot money of, you guessed it, Php500,000. The remaining contestant has to answer only three questions in 45 seconds to win the prize money. The computer randomly selects the category and the pointer stops at, you guessed it, music. I readied myself to answer.
“What is the name of the group that sang ‘No Touch”? … I say “Juan dela Cruz Band!” The male contestant says “Pass!”
“Who sang the song “It is not unusual?” ..I say, “Tom Jones!” and the guy on TV says “Pass!”
The clincher question goes “Andy, Barry and Robin Gibb belong to a group called?”
I say, “That is a no brainer! Bee Gees!” And again, the contestant says, “Pass!”
Oh goodness…! I got all three questions correctly! The contestant won Fifty thousand pesos for the effort.... I got arrggh, frustrated.
“What is the name of the group that sang ‘No Touch”? … I say “Juan dela Cruz Band!” The male contestant says “Pass!”
“Who sang the song “It is not unusual?” ..I say, “Tom Jones!” and the guy on TV says “Pass!”
The clincher question goes “Andy, Barry and Robin Gibb belong to a group called?”
I say, “That is a no brainer! Bee Gees!” And again, the contestant says, “Pass!”
Oh goodness…! I got all three questions correctly! The contestant won Fifty thousand pesos for the effort.... I got arrggh, frustrated.
Friday, July 08, 2005
"I have a dream..."
Just the thought of having one dream possibly coming true is just too much to contain. And I can’t wipe the smile off my face. Excitement wells up inside me. Of course there will be trainings and preparations. I am aware of all the hard work that will go into this (not to mention the extra late hours). The responsibility that comes is not to be taken lightly.
But when you know that your heart beats for a certain vision, you will pray for it with as much passion. And that is what I am doing.
But when you know that your heart beats for a certain vision, you will pray for it with as much passion. And that is what I am doing.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Sunflowers for you
| You make me warm And all aglow When I am cold you melt my snow Please stay with me Through all my hours I'll give to you a sunflower For me, your heart And a sky of blue And all I bring? Sunflowers for you. --anonymous-- |
Friday, July 01, 2005
A night with Oprah
Last night, as in so many other nights, I cried myself to sleep.
This time, I blame it on the Oprah show which featured women victims of incest. Three sisters, probably already in their late 30s to early 40s filed charges against their 66 year old father for rape and molestation. It took them almost two decades to gather enough courage to defy family and society pressures and to come out in public and demand justice for a crime that stole their childhood away.
I wanted to turn off the tv midway during the show because it was difficult not to be affected. From what these women shared, they had no vivid recollection of a happy childhood. It doesn’t matter if the molestation happened daily (like what the three sisters endured) or just once, the experience consumed their entire existence. Even Oprah, who has been open about her past experience agrees that she does not have any recollection of a happy childhood because the memory of being abused blurred everything else. The scars are seemingly permanent.
I cried for these women especially for those who suffer in silence. I applaud those who chose to come out, determined to begin the healing process. I admire those who chose to forgive, gradually freeing themselves from the clutches of bitterness and self pity.
Sleep eluded me even an hour after the Oprah show ended. I open a book and start to read. Then, I remembered my father. The tears came again. I thanked God for giving me and my sisters a God-fearing man. I had a beautiful and happy childhood. My growing years as a teenager went as it should. During our innocent and (more) trusting years, we were protected. What a gift.
And oh, the tears-before-falling-asleep ritual is just my only way of expressing how much I miss my father. I didn't need Oprah's help.
This time, I blame it on the Oprah show which featured women victims of incest. Three sisters, probably already in their late 30s to early 40s filed charges against their 66 year old father for rape and molestation. It took them almost two decades to gather enough courage to defy family and society pressures and to come out in public and demand justice for a crime that stole their childhood away.
I wanted to turn off the tv midway during the show because it was difficult not to be affected. From what these women shared, they had no vivid recollection of a happy childhood. It doesn’t matter if the molestation happened daily (like what the three sisters endured) or just once, the experience consumed their entire existence. Even Oprah, who has been open about her past experience agrees that she does not have any recollection of a happy childhood because the memory of being abused blurred everything else. The scars are seemingly permanent.
I cried for these women especially for those who suffer in silence. I applaud those who chose to come out, determined to begin the healing process. I admire those who chose to forgive, gradually freeing themselves from the clutches of bitterness and self pity.
Sleep eluded me even an hour after the Oprah show ended. I open a book and start to read. Then, I remembered my father. The tears came again. I thanked God for giving me and my sisters a God-fearing man. I had a beautiful and happy childhood. My growing years as a teenager went as it should. During our innocent and (more) trusting years, we were protected. What a gift.
And oh, the tears-before-falling-asleep ritual is just my only way of expressing how much I miss my father. I didn't need Oprah's help.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
A door opens!
A few minutes ago, I drafted my letter of resignation. Yes! Finally, I am leaving the finance division. Funny how long I have waited, how many buildings within Makati City and beyond I have visited, how many under time, half days leaves I had to take just to be able to do an interview—only to realize that I will just be moving to another floor within the same familiar building, another department within the same company. That is the thing with waiting or looking for something (or someone), I guess. Same life lessons. When I think of how long I have waited for this day-- to say goodbye to a colorful, tumultuous, fun, challenging, frustrating, exciting, happy, sad job—I should be in a state of euphoria. But a quick glance at the empty chairs around me made me feel a bit nostalgic. So many different people have taken these seats, so many stories to tell with each new batch of faces. My experiences with each of them very special.
But then again, who am I kidding?! I can’t deny that I am excited. A bit wary of what awaits yet quite ready to embrace the change.
The next tough part is informing my superiors in Hong Kong but the toughest would be telling my team mates. At this point, I am so glad I am just one floor away. When I am feeling lonely talking to myself in that nook reserved for me at the 17th floor, I could just pay these guys a visit and bully them like I always do, hoping to get rewarded with a smile or better yet, a hearty laugh.
Now, I can glide across my pond, minus the restless paddling ‘neath the waters.
Life. Beautiful, isn’t it
But then again, who am I kidding?! I can’t deny that I am excited. A bit wary of what awaits yet quite ready to embrace the change.
The next tough part is informing my superiors in Hong Kong but the toughest would be telling my team mates. At this point, I am so glad I am just one floor away. When I am feeling lonely talking to myself in that nook reserved for me at the 17th floor, I could just pay these guys a visit and bully them like I always do, hoping to get rewarded with a smile or better yet, a hearty laugh.
Now, I can glide across my pond, minus the restless paddling ‘neath the waters.
Life. Beautiful, isn’t it
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)