June 15, five o'clock in the afternoon. I stare out from the window of the van as it smoothly speeds along North Luzon Expressway.
Only half an hour earlier, we said our goodbyes to our cousins in Pampanga and headed for Manila. One hour more before we reach home.
Home. Sixty minutes. I need to do some planning, I thought. It had to be a productive ride. So I begin a mental mapping of my to do's........
...........
Nothing.
Who am I kidding? My brain is in condition to do heavy thinking. My mind is tired. My body is tired.
And my heart is beyond tired.
So I decide to just stare at the steady traffic of cars, trucks, buses... The rest of the world moves on but mine just had to stop for a while.
Early that morning, we brought our mother to her resting place. Beside our father. My mother passed away June 10 early morning, eight days before her 62nd birthday, after 18 months of fierce battle with cancer. She was a strong and determined fighter. Barely having a chance to mourn over her husband's death, she decides to focus on overcoming this cruel disease. To the very end, her children helped her with her fight. What a long, painful battle for all of us.
Now, I feel the full impact of losing both parents. What an empty, hollow feeling. You feel tired but the sadness numbs your entire body. The sadness is so profound that you can't express it.
Last Sunday, we celebrated her birthday. Which also falls on Father's Day. Amazing how my parents still seem to do things together even after they have left us.
"Now she won't feel the pain anymore." What a cliche but it does bring us the greatest comfort.
It is time to rest, Ma. Don't worry about us. We're in good Hands.
2 comments:
During the days when the tears that fall are like the heavy rain from the sky, never stopping,
During the times when the hollow space in your heart, carved by your parents' homecoming, seems emptier and darker,
...I wish you God's peace. If He can still the violent wind and the stormy seas,
He could still that raging storm, and fill that aching emptiness inside.
From what you've told me about your parents I think they're soulmates.
I think your mother went to be with her soulmate.
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