Grieving Well

It sounds like an oxymoron.  On occasion, I get asked about my “grieving process”.  It is one of the most difficult questions to answer.  “I am doing okay “ is not in the least descriptive.

 

So am I? Grieving well, I mean?

 

Aside from weeping your pain away and releasing hitherto emotions held in check, grieving also includes gradually establishing your new routines.  A means to cope is to make room for other things. 

 

Other things would include recurring flashes of memories of the people you have loved and lost. Other things include the familiar stab inside of you each time you recall the last time you saw your parents alive. Other things means getting ready for new traditions that may hurt, but you know needs to be done.

 

It means making room for stronger feelings of pain and sadness.  It means being sad not just on certain times of the day or week.  It means accepting that the deep sadness will remain. It is a certain kind of grief that you know will remain in you for the rest of your life.

 

There are some things that I need to unlearn, too.  Like becoming tense each time I see a text message from a family member.  I am like massaging away the knots on my shoulders that kept me in pain for almost two years.  My brain has been programmed to prepare for news that gets worse by the day.  I need to fix that and learn to expect more happy news than sad. 

 

When the tears become more few and far between, you feel that you have reached the last leg of the ‘process’.  But no.  You just get used to the emotion. 

 

There are some things I have come to accept as part of living.  There are things that will never be the same again.  There are people you can never be with again in this lifetime.

 

I am still walking that road… defining, redefining, learning, unlearning, accepting, rejecting.  I know that I am progressing well towards establishing my new normal. 

 

So, am I?  Grieving well, I mean?

 

I believe I am.  But I still have a long road ahead.