Keeping my fixtures

I stare at the wall where my shelf stands and lovingly smile at the fixtures that line each layer. Fixtures of varying sizes, hues and designs, each one stirring special memories. Maintaining them takes huge responsibility which I take very seriously.

These fixtures are heaven’s gifts and caring for them is my gift to myself and a way of giving back to God.

The wisdom to know which fixture merits a place requires much thought and consideration. Should I put in my biggest and most beautiful layer? The one that I encased in glass so beautifully kept for all the world to see? Or maybe in the other open layer where I can easily reach and regularly clean away. Or should I place it at the lowest layer, hidden by an opaque door?

Once in a while, I take stock of things and decide to move some of them from one layer to the next. But through the years, I have learned to know where to place a fixture. On most occasions, my fixtures stay where I initially place them.

Then a fixture catches my eye. More than a year ago, I had deliberately placed it at the back end of one layer, not quite sure if I should keep in its current spot, move towards the front or hide it behind the opaque door.

I pick up it.

And I sigh.

What should I do with you? I say to the fixture that once owned in a spot in my glass-encased layer. Now, you have collected more dust than memories. How many times have I tried to keep you in my main shelf only to have my spirit wounded? When would you realize that being in my shelf is not an accomplishment? It is a mutual nurturing. It is a journey to be enjoyed. Not a race to be won. In your shelf, I would have wanted to be a fixture too. Not a trophy.

Sometimes I face this choice. Of picking up a fixture and wondering what it is doing in my shelf or why it had stayed too long in that spot. At times I have some fixtures trying to push the opaque door down, wanting a space in my main shelf. But some of them are way too fragile and unsteady, supported by a base made of inferior material that it can’t stand on its own. Some fixtures simply erode, weathered by the sun, wind, dust and time.

Once again, I stare at the fixture and gently wipe off the dust. For the nth time, I decide not to place it behind the opaque door.

I place it not behind the glass door but the layer above it where I can still reach and clean away the dust once in a while.

Once in a while.