With bated breath

624 U/ml.

My heart sank as I stared at my mother’s latest CA125 lab result. Three months back (after her sixth chemo), we had an encouraging 45 U/ml from a pre-chemo count of 4000 U/ml.

The cancer cells do not waste time, I thought. A few days ago, my sister sent me a message. “She has to undergo chemotherapy again.”

The cancer cells are active, says the doctor. In my heart, I wished he said, “cancer is in remission” instead.

Three months. She only had three months of reprieve from the effects of the potent medicines. Now, she goes back to the hospital and takes in doses of chemo again. Will her body respond as positively as the last cycle? Can her body sustain another round of strong medications?

I think my mind went blank when I got the confirmation of my mother’s next cycle of chemotherapy. The same blank feeling I got each time I hear updates of my father’s condition during the two days that he was in ICU. (that was just a few months back!)

But in the privacy of my room, I give myself a chance to feel, to cry. To release the heaviness and take in fresh doses of strength. The next few months will be times of … what..? I really don’t know. Day by day. Morning by morning, I just need to take things one at a time. Each day, we are given grace that is sufficient for today . Admittedly, there are certain moments that I lose composure and go through moments of doubting. But I remember a verse from the Bible: “who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?”. No one really. Tomorrow is another day. I cling tightly to God’s comforting arms. I brace myself.

Postscript: We actually got news of my mother’s latest tumor marker test (CA 125) a few weeks back. I guess, I try hard to make myself feel that things are simply routine. Many times I wish that my days will just take usual ho-hum route. My form of denial. But no, life is far from routine.

Huh?!

Check out an email message from my boss addressed to her entire team:

Guys,
I just wanted to recognize JC and RB for being awarded the XXX Company Bottoms award.
This award is given to the XXX employees who under-perform on an annual basis. Their underwhelming performance did not go un-noticed.
Let’s applaud JC and RB for their accomplishments.
Congratulations and keep up the poor work!

To which one of the team members replies: "Let my people GOOOO!"

I am not really sure what is going on. Some joke I am not privy to. I get the feeling that I am the only one in the dark over this. Maybe, I will ask Maria. This is the thing with globalization. You call 'team mates' people who are half a world away with Microsoft Outlook as your only link. Maria's anecdotes about the team in the US gave me a picture of a pretty tight and happy team. They are very generous with their praises, Maria especially (maybe because she is of Latin descent). I would love to know the story behind this email. (sigh ..sigh..)

Maria expressed her desire and intention to make me feel that I am part her team, never mind the distance that separates me from all of them.

"Just drop me or anyone of us an email anytime." was her last instruction before we ended the call.

"You know, Maria. You really should bring me to New York. Wouldn't a team building activity bring us all together? What do you think? ", I said to her.

-------

No, I didn't. HA! But what a thought, huh?

Disoriented

Monday at half past seven in the evening. I wear a satisfied smile on my face while I attach the excel file and type in a summary of the report. I felt pretty good about the report I have put together for my boss. As I click the ‘send’ button, a surge of eagerness washed over me. I can't wait to discuss this one with her tomorrow, I thought.

During my initial meeting with Maria (my boss), we agreed to have biweekly phone calls, with or without any deliverables. Being managed by a superior located halfway across the globe is quite difficult without the regular updates and yes, some small talk.

Tomorrow, is our next scheduled call.

Anyways, the next day, 9am. I dial her number and I hear her machine. I leave a quick message to tell her I will call in ten minutes. Maybe she is having dinner with her husband, I thought. Ten minutes later, I call again. Still, the machine picked up my call. I leave a second message. Hmmm. This is unusual. Absentmindedly, I check my calendar and - Oh no!! I thought in dismay. Then ended up laughing aloud. By myself. Imagine how that looked.

……..….

Oh yes, I called a day earlier! I should call her Wednesday, 9am. (Tuesday 8pm EST). Arrgh! I scolded myself, “you have been calling her Wednesday mornings for the past three months, why get confused after all this time?” My answer, “ I don’t know. Tao lang. ( I am only human).”

I drop Maria an email, apologized for the confusion and promised to call tomorrow.

I am just relieved she didn’t pick up the call herself! Not that she will get angry or anything. She’ll probably laugh but … I cringe at the thought.

The rest of my Tuesday was uneventful after that. In this case, I’d take uneventful anytime!!

New Snow

Look, look out on the trees
Well, from here it looks like crystal
Shining in the breeze
Look, look out on the land
Well it finally looks like winter
So just reach out your hand and --

Feel the new snow falling softly 'round me
a second chance to make things alright
Like a new love calling
New snow is falling
Just outside my window tonight

It is an excerpt from the song New Snow by Flim and the BBs**.

It is a ballad that talks not just about saying goodbye but also of hope and new beginnings.

Let us just say that this old song came to mind (and became my anthem) with Colin, one my friends and constant companions at the office, deciding to move on to another company. Yes, another fixture in my work life off the shelf!

The song speaks of footprints disappearing into the new snow. I think of the footprints of people who have walked my way and have moved on to different paths. I think of the footprints of those that continue to walk my way.

I also see some footprints going a certain way…I look down, pause, turn and deliberately take a different direction. Yes, sometimes, we do need to take stock of things and choose which footprints we want to see right beside our own.

I think of the path ahead of me. And though I haven't seen snow, I think of the song, beautifully accompanied by piano and saxophone. Then, I imagine looking out the window, reaching out my hand and feeling a certain new breeze embrace me.



**The more popular and commercial version is from Michael Ruff, i think.

Somebody's gotta do it

“Hello.” came the curt greeting from the other line.

“Hello, Lito. Are you ready for lunch?” I said cheerfully.

Before he could reply, “Wait a second. Are you going to be bad company today? You sound sad again. Please, can we talk about happier things? Please..?” He has been grouchy since beginning of the week and I can’t stand another day being at the receiving end of this whining. Again.

“I can’t help it. There is just something that Anne (Anne is one of his team members) said … "

“You know, I think I’ll have indigestion if we spend an hour of negativity,” I said sweetly. “Oh please can we talk about other things over lunch, please? I won’t like you as my lunchmate if you give me another round of those complaints. Only happy thoughts. This one time?” The sugary tone didn’t escape him.

“Okay,” he says with a sigh.

I relented. “Okay, I give you 15 minutes tops to let it out and that is it.”

“No. I promise. No complaining this time.” Happily, i put down the phone proceeded to the 8th floor cafeteria.

When I met him at 8th floor, I saw Anne with him and we spend an hour free of office issues that usually dampen their moods. But our new topic leaves a lot to be desired as well. (sigh) I prefer to keep it at that.

Four hours later, Lito calls me up for snacks. This time, with Colin. Still no complaints (yess..) but his face was morose and at one point, he bowed his head and rested his cheek on the table. Colin and I looked at each other, with questions in our eyes.

There are a lot of times when I do prefer not to have Lito join us for meals. He tests my patience. Whining has become his bad habit.

But I felt a wave of compassion for the guy.

“Cheer up. Lito.” With a defeated sigh, I said, “ Okay, let’s hear them.”

Without hesitation, he begins a litany of his office angst. We listen patiently. After he was done with his monologue, it was my (and Colin’s) turn to speak. We gave him harsh but honest words. Some were reminders. Others were corrections.

We gave him hard questions. He was quietly nodding his head. I just hope he realizes that Colin and I sincerely want to help him see things in a different perspective.

I don’t know how much of what we said really hit home. We did our part. The rest is up to him.

A price I willingly paid

Sure, I just came from a ten-day off from work. Sure, two days of that were spent recovering from a cold virus that almost ruined the rest of my vacation. Sure, a day before my long break, six of Chris’ (the guy I share the room with in the office) staff were tasked (by my boss) to ‘assist’ me so I can complete my deliverables. (Yep, I will complete them upon my return. Isn’t my boss the coolest?!)

But their help came with a price. Rey, together with the two other guys in the team teased me no end about buying them merienda… What a naughty, rowdy trio.. They feign a cough while saying “pizza! pizza!”. They give me melodramatic lines about how they need to squeeze in this extra job to fit into their hectic schedules. I thought to myself, oh dear, I kinda see myself in them. This is payback it seems. I am sometimes guilty of sweet talking my way to a freebie. Guys usually give in easily.

I held my ground. I laughed with them as they continued in their spiels. I smiled at them as they stepped out of the room, unsuccessful. Whew! It was difficult to refuse but I had a budget to think of given my long break. Okay, honestly, I just wanted to win that round. My competitive streak was on.

Day one of my return to the office. We hold a meeting to discuss issues. With Chris’ permission, I ask them to do one more simple thing which I know my boss will ask. Once again, the three guys (the three ladies were shy, it seems) began reciting the phone numbers of a pizza company and a burger chain. Over and over again. Now, that is new.

And where was Chris throughout this 'ordeal' ? Right there with us, quietly watching, smiling and wondering if and when i will give in to the pressure.

To their surprise, I said 'okay, go. snacks on me'. I handed Rey the money and suddenly, the three boys blushed! I laughed seeing them squirm in embarrassment. They didn’t expect my response. Three huge guys blushing Ha ha ha How adorable! They said they were just kidding. I said, sure you were.

When I get a freebie, I just clap with glee. No apologies. Maybe because they are boys, err men. And they just ripped off a lady… (umm..that would be moi) .. That, while calling me ma’am. The three ladies were less vocal but I see their potential.

Half an hour later, you see us in the pantry, gorging on pizza.

Mumblings

We do have the weirdest weather in Manila. It can't seem to make up its mind.

It was a humid Monday night with barely a breeze in the air.

A very promising Tuesday, the morning sun promptly making its (heated) presence felt.

Midday, the sky turns dark, the mood downcast, the air cold. Minutes later, the heavy clouds give way.

An hour-long downpour.

Now, three hours later, I look out the window and the sun shows up again, drying up the puddles that muddied my floral shoes earlier (I just had to say that! Ha ha ha).

When I think about it, life mirrors today’s changing condition .…..

But I think it mirrors a woman’s mood swings even more.

(A woman speaketh). =D

Ignoring life's little pains

I twisted my left ankle several days ago. Just a minor thing, really. (as I am able to walk seconds after that “incident”)

Blame it on my 1.5 (or is it 2?) inch light brown shoes that provided little protection, if at all (but the shoes look very feminine and stylish..oh dear me...the price of vanity). Or maybe I can blame it on the sloped side road I was brave enough to walk on or maybe I am just innately clumsy. (I’ve always thought of myself as flat-footed because of the regular ‘slips’, but I am not. I just needed a plausible excuse)

I don’t feel any pain at all but just to give my poor ankles a rest, I put that pair of shoes aside.

Once in a while, to give my feet its much-deserved exercise, I do the usual stretches. Now I move it in a gentle and gradual circular motion… ouch! Did I just say I didn’t feel any pain? I take it back. My left ankle hurts.

It is not the kind of ache that needs a bandage, not the kind that would render me immobile, not the kind that would require me some pain relievers, not the kind that would hinder me from walking.

But it is there.

Ironically, I feel it when I am resting. I feel it when I touch the portion that bore my weight from that near-fall.

I am sure of two things:

It does not give me an excruciating ache, just a discomfort, a slight sting.
It does not hinder me from my regular routine.

In the meantime, how do I deal with it? What’s the best anesthetic?

Nothing. I just have to ignore it. When I do feel a semblance of pain, I endure it and simply walk it off.

See, there is one more thing I am certain of, this pain is temporary.

That is how I choose to deal with my little pains, be it from a sprained ankle or from something else.

I gripe

I have a messed up desk right now. Papers strewn all over the place. I remember agreeing to have a table smaller than what I should have in order to accommodate the other occupant of this room. It seemed spacious enough especially since I was given a very nice 19-inch flat panel. Now, I feel like saying, “I want that table back!”

Whew! Breath in, breath out. I steal a glance at Chris, my very mild-mannered, soft-spoken, nice looking roommate.....

...........

Okay, okay!. No more complaints.

This one is for you

We all have fixtures in our lives. They keep our days predictable and secure. And though sometimes, days become routine, fixtures make them bearable. Some fixtures, you will have your entire life, others, for a brief moment.

Yet no matter the length of time, fixtures leave happy and fond memories, memories that lift that corner of your lips to a happy smile.

For over a year, this fixture shared my passion for two important loves of my life - music and writing (a rare combination that this fixture shares with two others), among other many little things.

For over a year, it has entertained, educated and enlivened me. Over the last year, it has been exactly that, a fixture that decorated my shelf called life.

Now this fixture has left its usual place on my daily shelf. And though I feel a tinge of sadness and nostalgia, I am also filled with a huge amount of gratitude -- for the happy and carefree company.

This post is for you, James. My way of saying you were a daily fixture on my shelf that I will remember with fondness. And with great pride.

Here’s to your new and bloggable adventures! Cheers! (you’ll be saying a lot of that, I am sure!)

This thing called IFRS

It turned the financial reporting world upside down - International Financial Reporting Standards.

The international standards for accounting and auditing have been in existence since the 60s, serving as the rudder that steers the direction of the world of financial reporting. But these standards are by far reaching an unprecedented significance as the world moves closer towards international convergence.

One by one, countries from all over make the gradual and painful transition from their existing local standards to IFRS. Other countries are more prepared than others with their respective accounting standards council initiating revisions in their local standards to make it parallel to IFRS.

IFRS shook a portion of the standards’ foundations. I am not privy to the process that went with the finalization of IFRS but the powers that govern the finance world is autocratic. The Council draws up the details while the rest of us wait in anxious anticipation. Suffice to say, IFRS is geared towards fair market value reporting. The Standards also addressed the contentious ‘off-balance sheet’ items arising from derivatives. Off balance sheet no more!

As a corporation that sells financial information, my employer prepared well for the radical changes, making headway in product enhancements and database adjustments. Our production group and technology group had to be up to speed in order to provide subscribers with the latest and most updated information.

With some of the basic accounting rules revised or totally discarded, I had to do a lot reading and studying to ‘update’ myself. Some of my days are spent helping some non- accountants in the team understand the changes.

Change!!! It is all about change and how resilient we need to be. I remember that little (but expensive) book called Who Moved My Cheese. In the age of globalization, we can’t be complacent. We have a choice between becoming like a Hem or a Haw.

IFRS. It is the force that pretty much renders the latest editions of all accounting books obsolete.

A Certain Smile

How could I have forgotten Johnny Mathis in my roster of favorites?! Admittedly, I only know two or three of his songs. But (again!) my father liked listening to him and Mathis’ voice grew on me. I always mistake him for Nat King Cole. They sound the same to me. That is why I like them both.

Most of all, I love his song A Certain Smile

Years back, I watched an old movie with the same title. (One of the local networks had a month long feature of classic movies. You bet I didn’t miss a single one.) It is a love story set in France. Of course, the actors were all French except for one vaguely familiar name – Joan Fontaine. I think she was a famous Hollywood star.

Where was I? I am rambling.. Oh yes.

To my surprise (and pleasure!), Johnny Mathis himself made a special appearance in the movie and sang the song.

His song, nominated for Song of the Year during the 1958 Academy Awards, is a classic. The lyrics…Whew! And his voice..! You just have to hear him sing.

A certain smile, a certain face
Can lead an unsuspecting heart
On a merry chase
A fleeting glance can say
So many lovely things
Suddenly you know why my heart sings

You love awhile and when love goes
You try to hide the tears inside
With a cheerful pose

But in the hush of night
Exactly like a bitter sweet refrain
Comes that certain smile
To haunt your heart again

I used to only know the very first line and last four lines. That was enough for me. It had me at .. a certain smile.

When the heart hurts

I was watching one of my favorite shows when one line from one of the lead characters floored me. It went something like this -

“I am not just sad. I am broken.”

I blinked to fight the tears. Exactly how I feel.

I recently had a bitter argument with someone who means a lot to me. Sadly, I still don’t have the strength to confront the situation and mend the relationship.

Thinking about the strained relationship gives me a hollow feeling. A deep sadness. A certain brokenness. Writing about it still makes me cry.

Last weekend, I get a text message from a friend. “ I hope you can find a way to make things right…”

I am sure things will normalize but at this point, some pieces of my broken whole may take a while to find. And may take awhile to put back together.

I don’t go about my day long-faced and grouchy. I manage a genuine smile and give a hearty laugh every so often.

But sometimes, I do flash a smile that never reaches my eyes. Maybe sometimes, for a brief moment, I look down to hide a pained expression triggered by a memory.

"The mighty God will not despise
The contrite heart for sacrifice;
The deep-fetched sigh, the secret groan,
Rises accepted to the throne.
He meets, with tokens of his grace,
The trembling lip, the blushing face;
His bowels yearn when sinners pray;
And mercy bears their sins away.
When filled with grief, o'erwhelmed with shame;
He, pitying, heals their broken frame;
He hears their sad complaints, and spies
His image in their weeping eyes."

My Lifelong Love Affair

I can’t recall when I first heard this song. I can only remember how my older sister, Becky liked it. (During my impressionable years, I pretty much liked everything that my older siblings liked.) I hardly learned the lyrics but the melody and the singer’s voice, I distinctly recall. The song? Stereo by America. From lyrics.com, excerpt of the song goes:

Stereo
We’re livin’ it in stereo
We fix it so our love is high fidelity
Mix it so we never lose the melody
We try to equalize our lives in stereo

We’re livin’ it in stereo
We tune it till we have a perfect parody
Commune with such a fine-cut, crystal clarity
It seems to symbolize
Our lives in stereo

Growing up, I developed my own taste in music. My interest spawned from Madonna, Spandau Ballet, Depeche Mode, Fra Lippo Lippi, Whitney Houston to Alicia Keys, Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce Knowles, Usher and Nelly. It even went as far back as Matt Monro, Engelbert Humperdinck, Patti Page, Paul Anka, Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Pat Boone, etc etc.

Still, the soulful sound of the late 70’s draws me and for some brief moments brings me back in time – to the music industry’s glory days. I love the songs of James Taylor, Seals and Croft, Jim Croce, John Denver, Bread and Don McLean. Their music defies time, I believe.

Some years ago, it happens again. I hear this old song every so often but never catch the jocks mention the artist nor the title. For the longest time, I don’t know anything about the song and hardly paid attention to the lyrics, except that the voice is vaguely familiar. I am sure it is another one from the 70s.

Just recently, I chance upon the disjock (Bless him!) giving his listeners a background on my elusive song. The song’s title, Right Before My Eyes! Finally!

The Artist? America! What do you know? The two songs that kept me guessing are from one group of gifted musicians from the 70s! Right away, I check lyrics.com and smile as I read the lyrics. Do humor me as I share some words from the song and agree how mushy (and how vintage!) it is.

Every day I sit beside you
On the bus to Madison Avenue
Work in the big gray store
With the revolving doors
You don’t even know my name
I guess that I’m to blame
Don’t know the right things to say
So I pretend away

That I’m Rudolph Valentino
Pull up in my limousine
Oh, won’t you come in out of the rain
Things’ll never be the same
And then just like Greta Garbo
You stare like there’s no tomorrow
And you’ll know what I’m thinking of
Right before your eyes I fall in love with you

I kinda know that Valentino and Garbo are Hollywood icons. Maybe I could just change it from Valentino to Brad Pitt and Garbo to umm…Angelina Jolie. Just to keep with the times. But then I realize, those two names made the song distinct. Besides, I don’t like Angelina right now. And Brad Pitt, for that matter.

There! I found my song. What next? Nothing else. Those who love music like I do can understand that “finding” my elusive song is reward enough. And maybe, just maybe, adding a greatest hits album to my collection.

“There have been others but never two lovers like music, music and me.” Oh yea. I like Michael Jackson’s music too. Way, way, way back when …

Hmm. Liked my title? What did you think this was all about? =)

And Nature Speaks

“We used to call this sportsman's paradise," said a Louisiana native. "But sometimes Mother Nature will come back and remind us that it has power over the land. That's what this storm did."

I had to pause while reading the news on the aftermath of the two lady hurricanes that hit Texas and Louisiana. The words seem to jump out of the computer screen.

I can almost feel the profound emotion, the loss. But only someone who has witnessed that terrible devastation can truly relate.

"All we can do is hang on".

"We've taken quite a beating."

I read story after story and viewed hundreds of pictures of properties destroyed by Katrina and Rita. But the words from that Louisiana native rang in my head.

I continue to read:

Long before Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, governments and engineers with lively imaginations have come up with some strange ideas for how to combat nature's wrath, including drawing up plans to seed clouds, spill oil, set up windmills and even drop atomic bombs to soften the blow of lethal storms (AFP/NOAA/File)

Man, no matter how brilliant, can never outsmart the hand of God. There are people who seriously believe they can maneuver their way out of a natural phenomenon. They think they can 'jump the gun' on God. Calamities like these remind me of my humanity, of how defenseless man can be when nature lashes out her fury.

A passage from Isaiah 40 comes to mind:

Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.

We can never fully understand why disasters happen. It is difficult to make sense of such events especially in the minds of those who seem to be near death’s door. How painful it is to those who are literally picking up the pieces of their broken lives. How seemingly hopeless and desperate to see your places of security in a pile of rubble.

I always remember someone telling me: Everything we go through always passes through the loving hand of the Sovereign Creator. This too, shall come to pass.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

In the face of disaster, we come to terms with our humanity. We remember our own mortality and helplessness. We remember compassion. We remember hope. We remember to pause. And pray. The most human thing to do, is pray.

Mishka

Check out my first autographed CD!!!



It’s an album by a talented young jazz artist Mishka Adams.

I still find it hard to believe that that voice is from someone who is in her early twenties. Those who appreciate the legendary voices of Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday will definitely love her sound. What makes her more special is her lineage. She is half Filipino. Born and raised in the Philippines!!

I must thank James for introducing me to her new CD. Thank you!

And special thanks to my friend Malou for giving me reason to drop by Tower Records that night to find something for her birthday. Otherwise, I would not have found out that Mishka is coming over to the store for a mini-concert and autograph session.

I would have missed the pleasure of meeting this awesome young talent!

So, this is how it feels to be an adoring fan.

A funny thing happened on the way home

Talk about timing.

A colleague/friend of mine, James, has had this huge crush on one of our officemates. Barbiedoll. For months, I believe he constantly struggles between simply admiring her from afar and asking her out. Three glaring hindrances exist – he is migrating to Australia in October, she smokes (he doesn’t like women who smoke) and she has boyfriend. Three factors arranged in order of consideration. (ugh yes, the boyfriend is a non issue to him, almost).

I take it as Divine Providence that never, in the last few months did he get the chance to take the same ride home with her. They do take the same route going home but he tells me that 45-minute ride home with her remains elusive. Funny that when that opportunity finally came, her boyfriend decides to accompany her home. Even funnier is, when that time came, I take the same ride home with them. (To witness and enjoy the scenes that unfold..hahaha)

Barbiedoll introduces us to her man and the four of us spend about half an hour waiting in line. It is also funny to note that according to James, he rarely experienced such long queues. Funny also to remember that when it was time to take our place inside the van, James and I sat behind the couple. Perfect view, I mused. They looked good together.

How torturous this must be if I were in James’ place, I thought. As it happens, I play the observer, just enjoying the music and making conversation with my friend who must be feeling – what? I am not really sure what goes in men’s minds in times like these.

I used to joke about it a lot. About him finding the means to express his feelings, albeit unrequited. It can be a thrill to create storylines in your head. A momentary respite. A daydream.

But it has become increasingly difficult after meeting Barbiedoll’s significant other. Now he has a face. Now he is a real person, not an idea that I can easily dismiss (especially when he is that good looking).

It can be easy to dream up the most romantic storyline to give James a nice ending with Barbiedoll. But in the real world, things are more complicated. In the real world, lives intertwine. It can’t be just about two people. Each plot is made up of subplots and characters. Real people with feelings.

I believe it was not just a case of bad timing.

Funny. I have done draft after draft, trying to re-create that event in writing, attempting at an amusing tone. But relationships do need to be taken seriously. And I guess so should this seemingly mundane event.

Kids do say the darndest things

Over the weekend, I had the most pleasurable time with CJ, my friend’s four-year old kid. Although he grew up in the Philippines, his accent and his mastery of the English language is remarkable. I wish I could remember each conversation we had but the ones I recall are priceless.

Over donuts, this kid looks at the tall glass of coke in front me.

CJ: Tita (meaning, auntie), what is that? (pointing to the glass)
Me: It is softdrink. Um.. Coke
CJ: Is that the same as soda?
Me: Yes it is.
I smiled at him while munching on donuts.

CJ: I don’t like soda.
He says with a frown.

Me: Why not?
CJ: Well because it doesn’t taste good.

His mom (my friend) trained him well. I remember that she and her husband share the same dislike for softdrinks, I mean soda.

Me: So what do you like to drink?
CJ: I just like water, no ice and juice!

I smiled at him and gave him the thumbs up, a disastrous move I realized later. “Good for you!”

Then he said, wagging his forefinger in front of his face. “Tita, drinking soda is bad for your health.”

Oh dear..I turned my head to see where his mom his, begging to be saved.

“Umm. Why is it bad for my health?,” hoping my tiny chair would give way, anything to distract the kid.

“Because it doesn’t taste good!”

“The ice I don’t put in my juice and water. I eat ice!”, he continues.

Stupidly I ask, “So what does it taste like?”

He frowns at me and says, “Well. Like water.”

Of course. This four year old is making me feel like an imbecile.

After donuts, CJ shows me his notebook, each page has scribbles, mostly drawings of cars.

Me: You like drawing cars, CJ.
CJ: Those are not cars. Those are trucks. Big big trucks. I like trucks. I don’t like cars. And trucks have many wheels, Tita.
Me: Yes they do.

I watch him turn to blank page and expertly draw another car, I mean truck.

Me: You only have two wheels, CJ. I thought trucks have many wheels.
CJ: Tita, this is just paper. There is another wheel there because this one (pointing to the wheel he just drew) covers it.”

He apparently understands dimensions already.

Then I try again, “What about windows? No windows in your truck?”

“Well there are, but they are made of glass so you cant see them,”replies nonchalantly.

Oh boy.. This kid has all the answers.

“And windows of trucks get stuck so you cant open them. They are always stuck. But the windows of cabs don’t get stuck. You can really open them.”

***************
CJ: What is your favorite color
Me: Orange
CJ: Noo. That is not your favorite color
Me: It is not?
CJ: You have to change it. Orange is my favorite color. Pick another color. What about maroon. You are wearing maroon.
Me: Okay, maroon it is or maybe red.
CJ: “Ahh Red. Okay red.”
He paused and flashed me the sweetest smile. “ I will give you a rose on your birthday ”

And this tops them all:

CJ: Tita, do you have a kid?
Me: What do you think?

He looks at me and says, “No. I mean yes. Hmm No.”

Me: Why not?
CJ: Well do you have a kid or not?”

Love Like Ours

An old love song that I only heard recently. By Barbra Streisand. So beautiful. Moving melody. Only someone who has found a one true love can weave words as profound as this..

I look at you and there it is
The ultimate in where it is
And realize how rare it is
This finding your love
You try so many arms when you are lonely
To find the one and only
One day you turn and he’s there

Amazing how serene it is
The shade of evergreen, it is
Exactly what we mean, it is
And knew it would be

When love like ours arrives
We guard with our lives
Whatever goes astray
What rainy day comes around
A love like ours will keep us safe and sound.

Thinking of Seven

Okay, Beng. Took me time to finish the list. I had an interesting time getting to know me. Here goes ---

Seven things that scare me
1. Flying cockroaches
2. Crawling cockroaches
3. Crossing a swinging bridge
4. Speeding vehicle (whether or not I am in it)
5. Falling off the stairs
6. Some responsibilities attached to this new job.
7. Sickness in the family

Seven things I like the most
1. Having good and honest conversation with friends over coffee
2. Getting together with old friends
3. Laughing and just being carefree (once in a while)
4. Buying stuff for my baby nephews
5. Reading a good book on an easy chair amid perfect lighting and nice music
6. Family conversations over lunch or dinner table
7. Moments of quiet, being with myself (a phrase I got from Oprah)

Seven important things in my room
1. My CD player/radio
2. My tv
3. My books
4. My collection of CDs and tapes
5. My pictures
6. Documents and records
7. My vanity table

Seven random facts about me
1. I don’t sing in the shower but I dance in front of the mirror.
2. I like jazz music
3. I don’t like scrambled eggs…always sunny side up
4. I like watching the rain, love its rhythm as it falls on the tin roof
(I love that line in Norah Jones' Come Away with Me)
5. Flowers over chocolates (but if it has almonds…umm..ookay still flowers..)
6. I have a very poor sense of direction
7. I don’t like green mangoes

Seven things I plan to do before I die
1. Go to the Great Wall of China
2. Go to Greece
3. Go to Israel
4. Go to Egypt
5. Be (at least) half as great a cook as my mother
6. Learn to play the guitar and sing my own composition
7. Learn to dance the rumba, foxtrot or tango with someone I love

Seven things I can do
1. Sing
2. Dance
3. Stay in a bookstore for hours
4. Play a favorite song over and over and over again
5. Daydream while walking
6. Name a tune in just a few notes
7. Long distance walking (especially when I need to do some thinking)

Seven things I can’t do
1. Play any musical instrument
2. Draw
3. Kill a cockroach (..but if push comes to shove...)
4. Eat crabs (allergic!)
5. Put on eye make up
6. Drive
7. Act

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex
1. The sound of his speaking voice (great singing voice, a bonus!)
2. The air of confidence and authority
3. A gentle demeanor
4. The color of his skin
5. Love for family
6. Good conversationalist
7. His love for God

Seven things I say the most
1. My gulay
2. Haller
3. My gosh
4. Fine
5. Ganen!?
6. Oh boy
7. Nge!

Seven celebrity crushes
1. Brad Pitt (no words can describe)
2. Andy Garcia (I can drown in the depths of his eyes)
3. Paolo Bediones (definitely one of the country's sexiest celebrities)
4. Pierce Brosnan (the sexy accent, ruggedly handsome)
5. David Letterman (the man is funny and witty)
6. Denzel Washington (handsome guy)
7. Richard Gere (oozing with sex appeal)
8. Billy Crystal (another funny and witty guy)
9. James Denton of Desperate Housewives (love the stubble)
10. Raymond Bagatsing (buti pa si Lara Fabregas**)
11.Piolo Pascual (ewan ko ba..type ko talaga siya)
Ooopps, sorry got carried away. The last list is the easiest to complete.

__________

*I was reminded that they have separated. Well, she does have memories of waking up next to Raymond Bagatsing.