Mumblings

We do have the weirdest weather in Manila. It can't seem to make up its mind.

It was a humid Monday night with barely a breeze in the air.

A very promising Tuesday, the morning sun promptly making its (heated) presence felt.

Midday, the sky turns dark, the mood downcast, the air cold. Minutes later, the heavy clouds give way.

An hour-long downpour.

Now, three hours later, I look out the window and the sun shows up again, drying up the puddles that muddied my floral shoes earlier (I just had to say that! Ha ha ha).

When I think about it, life mirrors today’s changing condition .…..

But I think it mirrors a woman’s mood swings even more.

(A woman speaketh). =D

Ignoring life's little pains

I twisted my left ankle several days ago. Just a minor thing, really. (as I am able to walk seconds after that “incident”)

Blame it on my 1.5 (or is it 2?) inch light brown shoes that provided little protection, if at all (but the shoes look very feminine and stylish..oh dear me...the price of vanity). Or maybe I can blame it on the sloped side road I was brave enough to walk on or maybe I am just innately clumsy. (I’ve always thought of myself as flat-footed because of the regular ‘slips’, but I am not. I just needed a plausible excuse)

I don’t feel any pain at all but just to give my poor ankles a rest, I put that pair of shoes aside.

Once in a while, to give my feet its much-deserved exercise, I do the usual stretches. Now I move it in a gentle and gradual circular motion… ouch! Did I just say I didn’t feel any pain? I take it back. My left ankle hurts.

It is not the kind of ache that needs a bandage, not the kind that would render me immobile, not the kind that would require me some pain relievers, not the kind that would hinder me from walking.

But it is there.

Ironically, I feel it when I am resting. I feel it when I touch the portion that bore my weight from that near-fall.

I am sure of two things:

It does not give me an excruciating ache, just a discomfort, a slight sting.
It does not hinder me from my regular routine.

In the meantime, how do I deal with it? What’s the best anesthetic?

Nothing. I just have to ignore it. When I do feel a semblance of pain, I endure it and simply walk it off.

See, there is one more thing I am certain of, this pain is temporary.

That is how I choose to deal with my little pains, be it from a sprained ankle or from something else.

I gripe

I have a messed up desk right now. Papers strewn all over the place. I remember agreeing to have a table smaller than what I should have in order to accommodate the other occupant of this room. It seemed spacious enough especially since I was given a very nice 19-inch flat panel. Now, I feel like saying, “I want that table back!”

Whew! Breath in, breath out. I steal a glance at Chris, my very mild-mannered, soft-spoken, nice looking roommate.....

...........

Okay, okay!. No more complaints.

This one is for you

We all have fixtures in our lives. They keep our days predictable and secure. And though sometimes, days become routine, fixtures make them bearable. Some fixtures, you will have your entire life, others, for a brief moment.

Yet no matter the length of time, fixtures leave happy and fond memories, memories that lift that corner of your lips to a happy smile.

For over a year, this fixture shared my passion for two important loves of my life - music and writing (a rare combination that this fixture shares with two others), among other many little things.

For over a year, it has entertained, educated and enlivened me. Over the last year, it has been exactly that, a fixture that decorated my shelf called life.

Now this fixture has left its usual place on my daily shelf. And though I feel a tinge of sadness and nostalgia, I am also filled with a huge amount of gratitude -- for the happy and carefree company.

This post is for you, James. My way of saying you were a daily fixture on my shelf that I will remember with fondness. And with great pride.

Here’s to your new and bloggable adventures! Cheers! (you’ll be saying a lot of that, I am sure!)

This thing called IFRS

It turned the financial reporting world upside down - International Financial Reporting Standards.

The international standards for accounting and auditing have been in existence since the 60s, serving as the rudder that steers the direction of the world of financial reporting. But these standards are by far reaching an unprecedented significance as the world moves closer towards international convergence.

One by one, countries from all over make the gradual and painful transition from their existing local standards to IFRS. Other countries are more prepared than others with their respective accounting standards council initiating revisions in their local standards to make it parallel to IFRS.

IFRS shook a portion of the standards’ foundations. I am not privy to the process that went with the finalization of IFRS but the powers that govern the finance world is autocratic. The Council draws up the details while the rest of us wait in anxious anticipation. Suffice to say, IFRS is geared towards fair market value reporting. The Standards also addressed the contentious ‘off-balance sheet’ items arising from derivatives. Off balance sheet no more!

As a corporation that sells financial information, my employer prepared well for the radical changes, making headway in product enhancements and database adjustments. Our production group and technology group had to be up to speed in order to provide subscribers with the latest and most updated information.

With some of the basic accounting rules revised or totally discarded, I had to do a lot reading and studying to ‘update’ myself. Some of my days are spent helping some non- accountants in the team understand the changes.

Change!!! It is all about change and how resilient we need to be. I remember that little (but expensive) book called Who Moved My Cheese. In the age of globalization, we can’t be complacent. We have a choice between becoming like a Hem or a Haw.

IFRS. It is the force that pretty much renders the latest editions of all accounting books obsolete.

A Certain Smile

How could I have forgotten Johnny Mathis in my roster of favorites?! Admittedly, I only know two or three of his songs. But (again!) my father liked listening to him and Mathis’ voice grew on me. I always mistake him for Nat King Cole. They sound the same to me. That is why I like them both.

Most of all, I love his song A Certain Smile

Years back, I watched an old movie with the same title. (One of the local networks had a month long feature of classic movies. You bet I didn’t miss a single one.) It is a love story set in France. Of course, the actors were all French except for one vaguely familiar name – Joan Fontaine. I think she was a famous Hollywood star.

Where was I? I am rambling.. Oh yes.

To my surprise (and pleasure!), Johnny Mathis himself made a special appearance in the movie and sang the song.

His song, nominated for Song of the Year during the 1958 Academy Awards, is a classic. The lyrics…Whew! And his voice..! You just have to hear him sing.

A certain smile, a certain face
Can lead an unsuspecting heart
On a merry chase
A fleeting glance can say
So many lovely things
Suddenly you know why my heart sings

You love awhile and when love goes
You try to hide the tears inside
With a cheerful pose

But in the hush of night
Exactly like a bitter sweet refrain
Comes that certain smile
To haunt your heart again

I used to only know the very first line and last four lines. That was enough for me. It had me at .. a certain smile.

When the heart hurts

I was watching one of my favorite shows when one line from one of the lead characters floored me. It went something like this -

“I am not just sad. I am broken.”

I blinked to fight the tears. Exactly how I feel.

I recently had a bitter argument with someone who means a lot to me. Sadly, I still don’t have the strength to confront the situation and mend the relationship.

Thinking about the strained relationship gives me a hollow feeling. A deep sadness. A certain brokenness. Writing about it still makes me cry.

Last weekend, I get a text message from a friend. “ I hope you can find a way to make things right…”

I am sure things will normalize but at this point, some pieces of my broken whole may take a while to find. And may take awhile to put back together.

I don’t go about my day long-faced and grouchy. I manage a genuine smile and give a hearty laugh every so often.

But sometimes, I do flash a smile that never reaches my eyes. Maybe sometimes, for a brief moment, I look down to hide a pained expression triggered by a memory.

"The mighty God will not despise
The contrite heart for sacrifice;
The deep-fetched sigh, the secret groan,
Rises accepted to the throne.
He meets, with tokens of his grace,
The trembling lip, the blushing face;
His bowels yearn when sinners pray;
And mercy bears their sins away.
When filled with grief, o'erwhelmed with shame;
He, pitying, heals their broken frame;
He hears their sad complaints, and spies
His image in their weeping eyes."

My Lifelong Love Affair

I can’t recall when I first heard this song. I can only remember how my older sister, Becky liked it. (During my impressionable years, I pretty much liked everything that my older siblings liked.) I hardly learned the lyrics but the melody and the singer’s voice, I distinctly recall. The song? Stereo by America. From lyrics.com, excerpt of the song goes:

Stereo
We’re livin’ it in stereo
We fix it so our love is high fidelity
Mix it so we never lose the melody
We try to equalize our lives in stereo

We’re livin’ it in stereo
We tune it till we have a perfect parody
Commune with such a fine-cut, crystal clarity
It seems to symbolize
Our lives in stereo

Growing up, I developed my own taste in music. My interest spawned from Madonna, Spandau Ballet, Depeche Mode, Fra Lippo Lippi, Whitney Houston to Alicia Keys, Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce Knowles, Usher and Nelly. It even went as far back as Matt Monro, Engelbert Humperdinck, Patti Page, Paul Anka, Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Pat Boone, etc etc.

Still, the soulful sound of the late 70’s draws me and for some brief moments brings me back in time – to the music industry’s glory days. I love the songs of James Taylor, Seals and Croft, Jim Croce, John Denver, Bread and Don McLean. Their music defies time, I believe.

Some years ago, it happens again. I hear this old song every so often but never catch the jocks mention the artist nor the title. For the longest time, I don’t know anything about the song and hardly paid attention to the lyrics, except that the voice is vaguely familiar. I am sure it is another one from the 70s.

Just recently, I chance upon the disjock (Bless him!) giving his listeners a background on my elusive song. The song’s title, Right Before My Eyes! Finally!

The Artist? America! What do you know? The two songs that kept me guessing are from one group of gifted musicians from the 70s! Right away, I check lyrics.com and smile as I read the lyrics. Do humor me as I share some words from the song and agree how mushy (and how vintage!) it is.

Every day I sit beside you
On the bus to Madison Avenue
Work in the big gray store
With the revolving doors
You don’t even know my name
I guess that I’m to blame
Don’t know the right things to say
So I pretend away

That I’m Rudolph Valentino
Pull up in my limousine
Oh, won’t you come in out of the rain
Things’ll never be the same
And then just like Greta Garbo
You stare like there’s no tomorrow
And you’ll know what I’m thinking of
Right before your eyes I fall in love with you

I kinda know that Valentino and Garbo are Hollywood icons. Maybe I could just change it from Valentino to Brad Pitt and Garbo to umm…Angelina Jolie. Just to keep with the times. But then I realize, those two names made the song distinct. Besides, I don’t like Angelina right now. And Brad Pitt, for that matter.

There! I found my song. What next? Nothing else. Those who love music like I do can understand that “finding” my elusive song is reward enough. And maybe, just maybe, adding a greatest hits album to my collection.

“There have been others but never two lovers like music, music and me.” Oh yea. I like Michael Jackson’s music too. Way, way, way back when …

Hmm. Liked my title? What did you think this was all about? =)

And Nature Speaks

“We used to call this sportsman's paradise," said a Louisiana native. "But sometimes Mother Nature will come back and remind us that it has power over the land. That's what this storm did."

I had to pause while reading the news on the aftermath of the two lady hurricanes that hit Texas and Louisiana. The words seem to jump out of the computer screen.

I can almost feel the profound emotion, the loss. But only someone who has witnessed that terrible devastation can truly relate.

"All we can do is hang on".

"We've taken quite a beating."

I read story after story and viewed hundreds of pictures of properties destroyed by Katrina and Rita. But the words from that Louisiana native rang in my head.

I continue to read:

Long before Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, governments and engineers with lively imaginations have come up with some strange ideas for how to combat nature's wrath, including drawing up plans to seed clouds, spill oil, set up windmills and even drop atomic bombs to soften the blow of lethal storms (AFP/NOAA/File)

Man, no matter how brilliant, can never outsmart the hand of God. There are people who seriously believe they can maneuver their way out of a natural phenomenon. They think they can 'jump the gun' on God. Calamities like these remind me of my humanity, of how defenseless man can be when nature lashes out her fury.

A passage from Isaiah 40 comes to mind:

Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.

We can never fully understand why disasters happen. It is difficult to make sense of such events especially in the minds of those who seem to be near death’s door. How painful it is to those who are literally picking up the pieces of their broken lives. How seemingly hopeless and desperate to see your places of security in a pile of rubble.

I always remember someone telling me: Everything we go through always passes through the loving hand of the Sovereign Creator. This too, shall come to pass.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

In the face of disaster, we come to terms with our humanity. We remember our own mortality and helplessness. We remember compassion. We remember hope. We remember to pause. And pray. The most human thing to do, is pray.

Mishka

Check out my first autographed CD!!!



It’s an album by a talented young jazz artist Mishka Adams.

I still find it hard to believe that that voice is from someone who is in her early twenties. Those who appreciate the legendary voices of Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday will definitely love her sound. What makes her more special is her lineage. She is half Filipino. Born and raised in the Philippines!!

I must thank James for introducing me to her new CD. Thank you!

And special thanks to my friend Malou for giving me reason to drop by Tower Records that night to find something for her birthday. Otherwise, I would not have found out that Mishka is coming over to the store for a mini-concert and autograph session.

I would have missed the pleasure of meeting this awesome young talent!

So, this is how it feels to be an adoring fan.

A funny thing happened on the way home

Talk about timing.

A colleague/friend of mine, James, has had this huge crush on one of our officemates. Barbiedoll. For months, I believe he constantly struggles between simply admiring her from afar and asking her out. Three glaring hindrances exist – he is migrating to Australia in October, she smokes (he doesn’t like women who smoke) and she has boyfriend. Three factors arranged in order of consideration. (ugh yes, the boyfriend is a non issue to him, almost).

I take it as Divine Providence that never, in the last few months did he get the chance to take the same ride home with her. They do take the same route going home but he tells me that 45-minute ride home with her remains elusive. Funny that when that opportunity finally came, her boyfriend decides to accompany her home. Even funnier is, when that time came, I take the same ride home with them. (To witness and enjoy the scenes that unfold..hahaha)

Barbiedoll introduces us to her man and the four of us spend about half an hour waiting in line. It is also funny to note that according to James, he rarely experienced such long queues. Funny also to remember that when it was time to take our place inside the van, James and I sat behind the couple. Perfect view, I mused. They looked good together.

How torturous this must be if I were in James’ place, I thought. As it happens, I play the observer, just enjoying the music and making conversation with my friend who must be feeling – what? I am not really sure what goes in men’s minds in times like these.

I used to joke about it a lot. About him finding the means to express his feelings, albeit unrequited. It can be a thrill to create storylines in your head. A momentary respite. A daydream.

But it has become increasingly difficult after meeting Barbiedoll’s significant other. Now he has a face. Now he is a real person, not an idea that I can easily dismiss (especially when he is that good looking).

It can be easy to dream up the most romantic storyline to give James a nice ending with Barbiedoll. But in the real world, things are more complicated. In the real world, lives intertwine. It can’t be just about two people. Each plot is made up of subplots and characters. Real people with feelings.

I believe it was not just a case of bad timing.

Funny. I have done draft after draft, trying to re-create that event in writing, attempting at an amusing tone. But relationships do need to be taken seriously. And I guess so should this seemingly mundane event.

Kids do say the darndest things

Over the weekend, I had the most pleasurable time with CJ, my friend’s four-year old kid. Although he grew up in the Philippines, his accent and his mastery of the English language is remarkable. I wish I could remember each conversation we had but the ones I recall are priceless.

Over donuts, this kid looks at the tall glass of coke in front me.

CJ: Tita (meaning, auntie), what is that? (pointing to the glass)
Me: It is softdrink. Um.. Coke
CJ: Is that the same as soda?
Me: Yes it is.
I smiled at him while munching on donuts.

CJ: I don’t like soda.
He says with a frown.

Me: Why not?
CJ: Well because it doesn’t taste good.

His mom (my friend) trained him well. I remember that she and her husband share the same dislike for softdrinks, I mean soda.

Me: So what do you like to drink?
CJ: I just like water, no ice and juice!

I smiled at him and gave him the thumbs up, a disastrous move I realized later. “Good for you!”

Then he said, wagging his forefinger in front of his face. “Tita, drinking soda is bad for your health.”

Oh dear..I turned my head to see where his mom his, begging to be saved.

“Umm. Why is it bad for my health?,” hoping my tiny chair would give way, anything to distract the kid.

“Because it doesn’t taste good!”

“The ice I don’t put in my juice and water. I eat ice!”, he continues.

Stupidly I ask, “So what does it taste like?”

He frowns at me and says, “Well. Like water.”

Of course. This four year old is making me feel like an imbecile.

After donuts, CJ shows me his notebook, each page has scribbles, mostly drawings of cars.

Me: You like drawing cars, CJ.
CJ: Those are not cars. Those are trucks. Big big trucks. I like trucks. I don’t like cars. And trucks have many wheels, Tita.
Me: Yes they do.

I watch him turn to blank page and expertly draw another car, I mean truck.

Me: You only have two wheels, CJ. I thought trucks have many wheels.
CJ: Tita, this is just paper. There is another wheel there because this one (pointing to the wheel he just drew) covers it.”

He apparently understands dimensions already.

Then I try again, “What about windows? No windows in your truck?”

“Well there are, but they are made of glass so you cant see them,”replies nonchalantly.

Oh boy.. This kid has all the answers.

“And windows of trucks get stuck so you cant open them. They are always stuck. But the windows of cabs don’t get stuck. You can really open them.”

***************
CJ: What is your favorite color
Me: Orange
CJ: Noo. That is not your favorite color
Me: It is not?
CJ: You have to change it. Orange is my favorite color. Pick another color. What about maroon. You are wearing maroon.
Me: Okay, maroon it is or maybe red.
CJ: “Ahh Red. Okay red.”
He paused and flashed me the sweetest smile. “ I will give you a rose on your birthday ”

And this tops them all:

CJ: Tita, do you have a kid?
Me: What do you think?

He looks at me and says, “No. I mean yes. Hmm No.”

Me: Why not?
CJ: Well do you have a kid or not?”

Love Like Ours

An old love song that I only heard recently. By Barbra Streisand. So beautiful. Moving melody. Only someone who has found a one true love can weave words as profound as this..

I look at you and there it is
The ultimate in where it is
And realize how rare it is
This finding your love
You try so many arms when you are lonely
To find the one and only
One day you turn and he’s there

Amazing how serene it is
The shade of evergreen, it is
Exactly what we mean, it is
And knew it would be

When love like ours arrives
We guard with our lives
Whatever goes astray
What rainy day comes around
A love like ours will keep us safe and sound.

Thinking of Seven

Okay, Beng. Took me time to finish the list. I had an interesting time getting to know me. Here goes ---

Seven things that scare me
1. Flying cockroaches
2. Crawling cockroaches
3. Crossing a swinging bridge
4. Speeding vehicle (whether or not I am in it)
5. Falling off the stairs
6. Some responsibilities attached to this new job.
7. Sickness in the family

Seven things I like the most
1. Having good and honest conversation with friends over coffee
2. Getting together with old friends
3. Laughing and just being carefree (once in a while)
4. Buying stuff for my baby nephews
5. Reading a good book on an easy chair amid perfect lighting and nice music
6. Family conversations over lunch or dinner table
7. Moments of quiet, being with myself (a phrase I got from Oprah)

Seven important things in my room
1. My CD player/radio
2. My tv
3. My books
4. My collection of CDs and tapes
5. My pictures
6. Documents and records
7. My vanity table

Seven random facts about me
1. I don’t sing in the shower but I dance in front of the mirror.
2. I like jazz music
3. I don’t like scrambled eggs…always sunny side up
4. I like watching the rain, love its rhythm as it falls on the tin roof
(I love that line in Norah Jones' Come Away with Me)
5. Flowers over chocolates (but if it has almonds…umm..ookay still flowers..)
6. I have a very poor sense of direction
7. I don’t like green mangoes

Seven things I plan to do before I die
1. Go to the Great Wall of China
2. Go to Greece
3. Go to Israel
4. Go to Egypt
5. Be (at least) half as great a cook as my mother
6. Learn to play the guitar and sing my own composition
7. Learn to dance the rumba, foxtrot or tango with someone I love

Seven things I can do
1. Sing
2. Dance
3. Stay in a bookstore for hours
4. Play a favorite song over and over and over again
5. Daydream while walking
6. Name a tune in just a few notes
7. Long distance walking (especially when I need to do some thinking)

Seven things I can’t do
1. Play any musical instrument
2. Draw
3. Kill a cockroach (..but if push comes to shove...)
4. Eat crabs (allergic!)
5. Put on eye make up
6. Drive
7. Act

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex
1. The sound of his speaking voice (great singing voice, a bonus!)
2. The air of confidence and authority
3. A gentle demeanor
4. The color of his skin
5. Love for family
6. Good conversationalist
7. His love for God

Seven things I say the most
1. My gulay
2. Haller
3. My gosh
4. Fine
5. Ganen!?
6. Oh boy
7. Nge!

Seven celebrity crushes
1. Brad Pitt (no words can describe)
2. Andy Garcia (I can drown in the depths of his eyes)
3. Paolo Bediones (definitely one of the country's sexiest celebrities)
4. Pierce Brosnan (the sexy accent, ruggedly handsome)
5. David Letterman (the man is funny and witty)
6. Denzel Washington (handsome guy)
7. Richard Gere (oozing with sex appeal)
8. Billy Crystal (another funny and witty guy)
9. James Denton of Desperate Housewives (love the stubble)
10. Raymond Bagatsing (buti pa si Lara Fabregas**)
11.Piolo Pascual (ewan ko ba..type ko talaga siya)
Ooopps, sorry got carried away. The last list is the easiest to complete.

__________

*I was reminded that they have separated. Well, she does have memories of waking up next to Raymond Bagatsing.

A morning waker upper

“Hi. How are you?” says the text message I got one morning. It is a new number.

I reply. “Hi. Sorry. You seem to have changed your number. May I know who this is please.”

Seconds later, “Well, I used to have a crush on you but not anymore because I am a married man. Remember now?”

Uh oh. I still can’t. A lot of my male friends are married and (modesty aside), I recall some of them taking a fancy to me. I smiled to myself.

“There are several of you. Hahahaha” was my reply.

“You haven’t changed. Same sense of humor and confidence. So how are you?”

“I still need to know who this is first please.” I asked.

“Hint……” He gave me a list of unrelated things. A cake, a bag, a blouse, etc

“So you get it now?” he asks again.

Oh no! I still can’t. I thought to myself. Did he give me these stuff? I can recall this guy giving me a blouse years ago. But the rest he mentioned, I have no recollection.
And I wanted him to tell me…Why can’t he just tell me who he is?

I had to stop the guessing game. “I am sorry, I really can’t recall.”

Oh I hope I don’t offend him. Minutes passed. I got worried. I think I offended him. Finally, I decide to call a friend who I believe has the most updated list of phone numbers. I ask if she knows the phone number. So, I was right. It was the guy who gave me the blouse.

Then I got another message.
“You must have forgotten already. Anyway, that was a long time ago.”

So then I sent a reply. “If it is that black blouse..it is Al, right? But I would have remembered if you gave me a bag. Maybe you gave Rose that bag when you were courting her. Tsk tsk you are getting your gifts mixed up. Hehehe”

Al, Rose and I used to kid a lot about those times when Al was ‘befriending’ me then a year or two later, transferred his affection to Rose and then when we were all working, he decides to pursue me again. Now he is married to Elly, a very nice lady whom I met in Baguio. Funny how things happen. I met Elly long before Al met her.

Then he replied. “Nope. I gave you a bag. Those memories I retain. Hehehe”
Then for a few more minutes we continued to exchange messages, giving updates on each other’s lives. I haven’t seen this guy and his wife in a while. I realize, I miss the company of these people. Maybe it is time to set aside time and get together, stir up parts of the past and laugh about them.

More than a thousand words

Yesterday is orientation day. I spend a little over an hour with each team manager of the Estimates group to help me understand the entire work process. As one coming from the commercial side of the company’s business, I found the production (the backend) side interesting. The entire walk though requires me to hop from one workstation to the next as each one shows me what they do and how each unit impacts the other.

The orientation enabled me to learn a bit about what they do but I think I got a little more than that.

I got glimpses of who they are and what they value.

Their desks, walls and dividers are heaving with photos of loved ones, each nook and cranny stocked with mementos.

I know that Ellen is married to a cute husband and has an adorable baby boy. Mon loves to travel, met former President Aquino and is quite close to his family. I think the other photo is his girlfriend. Julie on the other hand, has two kids, a pretty little girl (around three) and a baby boy. Her little girl probably loves Dora the explorer and Winnie the Pooh.

Rey’s desk gave me the most telling picture. He has a girlfriend (a colleague from another department), graduated from one of the oldest institutions in the country , a member of the university’s basketball team, and has two beautiful dogs. On the left side of his cubicle shows pictures of pretty models/celebrities. (I only recognize Elizabeth Hurley). Atop his 21-inch monitor is a photo of his significant other and pictures of his two dogs. He loves the movie League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. On the long side table are two basketballs serving as his centerpiece.

I tried to recall the other stuff I saw on their desks but there are just too many. Suffice to say, their workspaces have become an extension of home, a window deliberately opened so that people from outside looking in (like myself) can take a peek inside their private world.

Having moved to a new work area, I have been thinking about how I can spruce up my space. I have misgivings about putting a lot of personal stuff on my desk though. It has always been that way for me. I guess it is symbolic of how I prefer to keep my personal life separate from work. And I can’t recall ever bringing home anything work related (that is why company-provided laptops do not excite me).

I am not much into pictures or some fancy table ornament on my office desk. The only photos I considered displaying are those of my two baby nephews, 2-year old Yui and and one year old Johann. I am absolutely in love with these two boys. Crazy I may be about them, the most I could do is to use their pictures as my screen saver. Other than Yui and Johann, pictures of loved ones (even a significant other) are displayed in my bedroom or yes, my wallet.

Bottomline, some aspects of my private life, I prefer to keep closer to my heart. I do excitedly open myself up to people and share my private side not in symbols or pictures but with stories I share.

A desk calendar, pen holder. Those are two accessories on my desk. The rest I keep in my drawer. One look around my work area, I know just the right thing to add.

A flower plant. Sunflower would be perfect. Right by the sun-kissed glass window.

After the third day

I deliberately delayed making an entry about the saga on my new work area, my room. From the moment I agreed to share the room (weeks before i officially joined the team), I see a constantly evolving layout which confuse not just the Admin and TechOps people but most of all, me.

Monday, I learn that my supposed room mate changed her mind and would rather stay in her current area. (but it was her idea in the first place!). Tuesday, I was advised that I get the room to myself. Wednesday morning, I get an email that some other person will share my space.

Check out the email from the Group Head, addressed to me and our admin manager:

“Hope you don't mind another change of heart. Can you please hold off the re-arrangement of Drifter’s room? Chris (Instead of Mia) will be occupying the room. This is a temporary arrangement until Dec-Jan 2006 when the IFRS** peak is over.

Drifter, apologies for imposing on you again but I believe this tandem will have more value because you will be learning IFRS together with Chris.

Chris... maybe you can include Drifter in your calls with Gary and Maria.”

End of email.

Oohkaayy!

About an hour later, I see the TechOps guys wheeling a CPU, monitor and all other peripherals into the room. Whoa! That was quick. Doesn’t this usually take two to three days?

Where do we place the printer? The phone lines? You need two phone lines? Oh the cables will show?..Maybe we can put a tape so you wont trip on them? Oh but there is no port here.. The other phone line may take three days to set up. And on and on and on.

My former finance team mate and good friend, Lito helped me rearrange the furniture around so that I can maximize my space and be more comfortable.

One final look…Hmm ..Okay, I am satisfied. That is it.. I hope this is final. I don’t want to think about this anymore.

This is temporary I was told, but I doubt it. And at this point, it didn’t matter.

The new room mate is a nice guy. Chris. Well mannered and I like the sound of his voice. He is one of the Senior Team Managers of the group I will be supporting. Now, I have someone to talk to. And he helped me get the files that I would need. He is almost a vegetarian, goes to the gym and likes music. I think we will get along. (Yep, I learned all that from him in half an hour)

Do you smoke? He asks.

Nope, I don’t... Uh oh.

That is the minor thing I need to deal with, every so often, the room gets this faint scent of cigarette.

This morning, I receive a very apt text message from an angel. I got this seconds after I read the email from Jovy, the Group Head. Lifted from the Book of Psalms:

“I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul like a weaned child with its mother. Like a weaned child is my soul within me…”

I can really quiet myself in God’s secure presence. I clean up my desk and ready myself for home. I give my see you tomorrow! line to Chris with a smile.

It is all good.

_____________________
**International Financial Reporting Standards

My Brad

Last night, I dreamt I was married to Brad Pitt!! Beat that!! And my dream was in full color. I remember the color of shirt he was wearing. In my dream, he is so sweet and caring. Nope. No X-rated scenes in my dream. Quite wholesome. He was just smiling and looking at me. Wahuu!

Then, Angelina Jolie was there. I remember her blue, figure forming dress.
But my Brad didn't pay any attention to her. Sorry Jennifer A.
I got the better one.
Then, I wake up. Reluctantly.

Choices, risks and relationships

Recently, I had this contentious discussion with a friend about his take on attached women whom he finds appealing. He was candid enough to admit that there are occasions where he would search for means to express his interest on the girl to find out if he stands a chance. We had quite a lengthy discussion on a guy’s attempts to poach on someone’s preserves. (The discussion was especially difficult because we were talking via SMS!)

We actually had one lady in mind, a pretty colleague of his who happens to be attached. He has had this crush on her the moment he laid eyes on her. Out of sheer curiosity, I asked him what he would do if he finds out that the girl finds him attractive as well. He says, he would try to see if it is possible to ask her out, boyfriend notwithstanding. His response is what, I believe, typically male although there are guys who might say otherwise, having firm belief on disengaging from such complicated set up.

His message goes something like this --Some women are afraid of being alone that is why my attempt to ask her out is a message that I am option to take in case she is unhappy with the current boyfriend. I thought to myself, this is so chauvinistic and calculating!

I wonder, how many women are in relationships right now just because there is no one else in the horizon?. and how many men are in similar predicament? I am in no position to make judgments on the choices people make. We all have our own measures of what makes us happy in a relationship. Is settling so bad? Or is waiting for the right person worth it? Would I rather be with someone that I am not passionately committed to than spend my Valentine’s days on my own? Is it so bad to stick it out with a boyfriend yet still keeping your eyes open for other possibilities? Would ending a so-so relationship and facing an uncertain future unattached be worth the risk? When men present themselves as an option, what do they actually mean? How can you tell if the bold move of a guy towards a girl to make his presence felt is a mere passing fancy, a test of machismo, an egotistical whim to add to his conquests, a genuine desire to know the girl of his liking or an offer of something better and lasting? So many questions…

I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over.
I want to know right now, what would it be?
I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over
Will it be yes or will it be..
Sorry?

A song by Paula Cole of the Dawson’s Creek fame. This song made me see my friend’s point of view. I am all for expressing your feelings for someone rather than keeping it to yourself. In that regard, I support his move to let this lady know how much he likes her. I do have reservations on some of his viewpoints which I’d rather not expound on.

It is not far fetched that the lady might like him too. It is not a crime to find someone attractive other than your boyfriend. It is not uncommon to have other male friends that you’d like to hang with once in a while, a little space in the relationship wouldn’t hurt. And I suppose having other male friends would allow any girl to gauge his level of commitment to her man. He says, If the girl is really happy with the current relationship then all she has to do is say ‘No’ to his advances. Ahh, the game men and women play. And I must say, I admire my friend for his honesty. And if painted a picture of an unfeeling guy, that would be far from the truth. He is a nice person and I believe, takes his commitments seriously. It will just be a matter of time until he finds that someone.

Bottomline, being in a relationship is a risk. It is step of faith in the person you choose to commit to. One day, you might meet someone else you are extremely drawn to. At such time, it will be wise to remember why you chose to be in your current relationship.

And yes, being out of a committed relationship is a risk as well. It makes you vulnerable to a lot of judgments and questions from a society where being single and unattached sticks out like a sore thumb.

What a disturbing call..

The sound of my phone ringing pulled me out of my reverie. (yea, office hours and my mind is off somewhere…)

"Hey, It’s me….” Says the lady on the other line. It’s Etta, our supervisor who resigned weeks ago.

She didn’t mince words. “Do you like to go back to the investor relations type of job?”

“Huh?” Is she about to do something that I think she is about to do?

“I know that you have such experience. This is managerial post that I know fits your skill set.”

She went on and on about the requirements that she knows I possess. I t hink it is the type of work that I used to have. Financial analysis and reporting, investor relations management. I believe she said that she is now working for a multinational bank. But she hesitates to give me the name. I insisted, she relents. Ahh. Good company.

I tried giving her names of some current and ex employees of our company and rattled about their qualifications, a deliberate attempt to veer her away from moi.

“What about you?” she insisted. “You have the comprehensive resume that we require.”

“I am just about to move to another job, as you know.”

“How much?”. Whoa.

I didn’t say a word. I am about to update my resume and will send her next week, I said.

“Ah, but you are hesitating. You are not really interested.” she dared.

“Well, you barely gave me a background of the job.”

She attempts to enlighten me further but i wasn't satisfied. I don't think she is familiar with the job she mentions. Maybe she is calling in behalf of someone.

I ask, “if I give my resume and be scheduled for an interview, who would interview me.?”

“HR would go first of course” she replies.

I thought, I could have that interview with HR so I can get a clearer idea of the job she can't fully describe. It felt weird because she wanted me to say “Yes!” to something I vaguely understand.

So again I say, “ I will update my resume next week.”

She gives me her email address. What do you know, she gives me her yahoo address…Hmmm..

Finally, I ask the all-important question.

“Do you know to whom this post will report to?”

“To me.” Ahh…Good company. Possibly handsome pay. Do I want to work with her? Be directly under her supervision? How come she can't manage a clear description of the job?

A handsome pay alone does not a happy employee make. That much i know.

I must say, that call was a break off a humdrum Friday at the office.